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BROTHER JOHN
Member

since 2006-04-06

Posts 386

0 posted 2006-04-28 02:15 PM

This is my second sonnet based on a dream.Every detail was not in the dream.However, the message
it conveys was. Dreams usually have plots and it is around this plot I have written this sonnet. For me, the sonnet is the best means to convey my thoughts.Other writers choose their means. I invite your comments. For one thing, I notice that I have too many Ands at the beginning of several lines. Please help me here!

"THE CLASSROOMS"

Amid one night's deep,I viewed this strange sight:
An edifice of flare and very tall,
Built with gray bricks and stones.With each stout wall
And belfry, it loomed like a fortess site!
A vivid spacious wing sat to its right
And slowly I walked down its long gray hall
And noted many rooms, each like a stall,
With posted signs: "The Truth's Our Copyright!"

Each classroom stuffed full from front to far rear;
But something seemed strange and quite very canned
As students' faces looked like cheap veneer!

The gnome called for "rite" answers of his "brand"
As students (with strong strings screwed to each ear
Lobe) nodded, "Yes," when strings jerked by his hand!

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

1 posted 2006-04-28 03:35 PM

Perhaps flashbacks of your early days in school? lol

You certainly do have vivid dreams. I think it is marvellous that you are able to recall them and put them to paper ~ and so well at that!

Love & Light,
EA

BROTHER JOHN
Member

since 2006-04-06

Posts 386

2 posted 2006-04-28 04:15 PM

Dear Earth Angel,

What a quick reply! I was reared in a strict religious background. Yet, not as rigid as the dream implies. Tho it is a religious setting, I believe it is symbolic of any institution which seeks to control the freedom of mind and spirit. The poem, The Armored Car, has the same message, only in different symbols. In that dream, a bishop was driving the car. But "Bishops" are found in every walk of life. As I read the "new physics", I learn of the "war" that is raging between the old and new understandings of the quantum world. Too, these dreams are symbolic of the generational gap. A new paradigm is being born and therein is another of the same. From that mystic shore, something new is being birth, but the old will fight to its dead end.

Thanks Earth Angel.

XOx Uriah xOX
Senior Member

since 2006-02-11

Posts 1403
Virginia

3 posted 2006-04-28 04:57 PM

::smiles:: I am always thrilled when I see scenes of Babylon (confusion) being unveiled and brought down. Great write !

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

4 posted 2006-04-28 05:04 PM

First of all...I think you did a great job....I don't completely understand sonnets and such....LOL....I'm lucky if I can make a rhyme or sense..

In trying to compose a sonnet,
As done by the finest of poets
I have to ponder upon it
Quite a bit even though it's
Simple to write one I've heard
Fourteen lines in all
The first line rhymes with the third
The second and fourth should fall
In rhyme in such a way
That a-b-ab, etc.
So on and so forth say
Whatever the thought like I want it
So what the hell, Pissonnet

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

5 posted 2006-04-28 05:49 PM

"The gnome called for "rite" answers of his "brand"
As students (with strong strings screwed to each ear
Lobe) nodded, "Yes," when strings jerked by his hand!"

Extremely powerful BROTHER JOHN.

You have only three "ands." I read and reread and I think it read better WITH the 'ands."

BROTHER JOHN
Member

since 2006-04-06

Posts 386

6 posted 2006-04-28 06:43 PM

To Uriah,

You are a person after my heart. Scaffoldings have become our gods.

BROTHER JOHN
Member

since 2006-04-06

Posts 386

7 posted 2006-04-28 06:50 PM

Dear Toerag,

Thank you for taking valuable time to read my sonnet. I, too, will honor and respect whatever form you may express yourself with. It is called freedom of choice. The best to you.

BROTHER JOHN
Member

since 2006-04-06

Posts 386

8 posted 2006-04-28 06:56 PM

To The Lady,

Lady you have been most helpful. How do I change the wording? I am a novice at this and want to learn. I am a greenhand on this site, so I will need some guidance as to how I may correct my errors or even rewrite some thoughts.

I trust you will read this so you may help me.

Thanks for constructive advice.

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

9 posted 2006-04-28 10:27 PM

BROTHER JOHN,

I was actually suggesting you NOT change it. It reads well WITH the "ands." It might be a little clumsy if you take them out. It's a good read.

Kate (The Lady)

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

10 posted 2006-04-29 05:41 AM

Hey Brother John...at the top of your posts, you will see a row of tiny icons. The one that looks like a piece of paper and pencil is the one you can click to edit your poem if you have made a mistake. Hope that helps a bit. I think you have up to 24 hours to edit a post.

BROTHER JOHN
Member

since 2006-04-06

Posts 386

11 posted 2006-04-29 10:06 AM

Passing Shadows,

Thank you from a very greenhand on this site and trying to pen thoughts in poetry.

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

12 posted 2006-05-01 07:38 AM

Brother John....LOL....you are a fine writer...I am not...and, I am only relaying my lack of ability to write....ESPECIALLY A SONNET!!!...

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