A song I'm working on... - pipTalk Forums

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gypsyheartx
Member

since 2006-02-09

Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland

0 posted 2006-04-15 10:26 PM

Hello everyone

I was wondering If I might have some feedback on this song I've started to write... This is my first venture into songwriting but I figured since it's poetic to post it on here and see what you thought... Thank you!

Fading in…to the drunken sky with
Smirnoff smiles and bloodshot eyes
Tequila tears are your worst fear and
I better get my act together
Livin' here ain't what it used to be
Sinking into mild uncertainty
I could break my cash for a little change
I could shoot my gun a little off range
But I know that whatever I used to be
Ain’t ‘creepin up anywhere I can see
Blinded by the needles in my eyes
Wicked lies can act as my disguise

~Miranda

playing.with.crayons
Member

since 2006-01-02

Posts 362
Neverland

1 posted 2006-04-15 11:11 PM

"Fading in…to the drunken sky with
Smirnoff smiles and bloodshot eyes"

You've got some wonderful imagery here. I don't know much about the whole song angle but this is a very beautiful poem.
Songwriting always terrified me as I could get the lyrics all right but then came the Sibelius programs and cadences and plagals and perfect octaves...
terrifying.

farewell the ash-tray girl

gypsyheartx
Member

since 2006-02-09

Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland

2 posted 2006-04-16 12:59 PM

Thanks

Yeah the vocals and intrumentals would be tough.. I may just convert it to a poem... who knows!

playing.with.crayons
Member

since 2006-01-02

Posts 362
Neverland

3 posted 2006-04-16 05:25 AM

showed this to a friend and she loved it. I think it may just find its way into my library...
lovely job again.

farewell the ash-tray girl

gypsyheartx
Member

since 2006-02-09

Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland

4 posted 2006-04-17 09:26 PM

I'm very glad you and your friend enjoyed it

Thanks

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2006-04-17 09:38 PM

I put a "twang" to it, and gave it a country twist, and really enjoyed it. Good luck finishing it. You never know until you try to do a song if someone will enjoy it.

Waste not a second ~ Carpe' Diem

gypsyheartx
Member

since 2006-02-09

Posts 104
Istanbul-Turkey/U.S.-Maryland

6 posted 2006-04-17 09:43 PM

Actually country was exactly what I was gearing it towards!!

Glad a you liked, and thanks.

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