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Open Poetry #37
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Here comes Sunshine she comes my way
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Here comes Sunshine she comes my way |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
Here comes sunshine she comes my way Bringing her stunning translucent rays Always seeming to set me in a daze. When she sends her love my way Elation by the wonderful grace Tracing the outlines of her face Heavenly touch, Divine embrace Joy I shall forever chase Love smiles and lust laughs Playful tones seem to splash Around her and I they seem to crash Transfixed by her eye and lash Sunshine what a delight To envelope myself inside her light Never ever feeling fright Until she leaves me with the night. ------- could someone tell me if this feels incomplete I almost feel like it needs another stanza. [This message has been edited by Jack Straw (04-11-2006 06:25 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Jack Straw - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sure seems complete to me, Jack...and very tenderly loving!!  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
seems complete to me too...the way it ended with the night...I like it |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
A pleasure to read, Jack. It seemed complete to me, and I feel sure that whomever it was written about will feel most complete! Nice job! miscellanea |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Excellent Jack... Much enjoyed the read. Hugs~Nancy ~ Trace my body with your words, |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
haha thanks guys and gals, I'll leave it as is then. Ya, I saw a picture of this lifelong friend and the way the lighting hit it looked like she had an aura around her or something... I got the idea for the 1st line from that. I don't think I'm gonna show her this poem though, she'll think I harbor feelings of love towards her... and I can't say that I don't to an extent. maybe when the time is right. [This message has been edited by Jack Straw (04-11-2006 06:25 PM).] |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
I hear music with this one....I really do. Left me feeling much lighter. ...jo |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
It seems finished to me Jack, and well written. I am sure the lady in question will love it... when the time is right. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Dear Jack, I am sure that Your Sunshine will appreciate this very much... I hope you send this to her, to let her know. I know that it made me smile... so I feel sure she will give you a smile even larger than mine! |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
I hope so sunshine, but the thing is I have a weird outlook on relationships. I don't necessarily want one while I'm in high school. When I look around at my peers who have girlfriends and boyfriends I can taste, feel, hear, and see the drama that goes on day in and day out. Anyway I will show this to her but not for awhile, next year probably when we are seniors and a bit older. Either next year or whenever the time seems right.. I know it by heart, the poem. |
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