letting it go ...again

ok
so I’ve been here before
and yes
despite what appearances might attest
I did let it go
to the best of my ability
that is
and
well yes we both can see that
I am back
letting it go
again

the times before
failed to mention that letting it go
did not equate to
eradication

its rigor was underestimated
as well as the depth
to which its claws had sunk
and the implication
of the comfort it provided
misunderstood

so what makes this time
different?
you ask

well- ignoring it increased
my appetite and my waistline
and so I must be
on the right track
because my stomach is definitely
queasy
and though I am not exactly sad
I can tell you
that I feel like crying

and now if I must be honest
I will say that its not those that asked
forgiveness
it’s those that didn’t

when I was right

or at the very least
not in the wrong
and if I just had an I’m sorry
it would somehow seem
easier

or not
and yes I know
that honesty thing is irksome
for moldy and old they are by now
so much so as to not be recognizable
to you anyway
its only me that remembers
and I put forth that an
I’m sorry
would make all the difference?

but can you promise
the safety of my heart?
you know its barely holding in there
as is
and if the distance between us closes
enough so as to share me with you
can you promise...

no

you can’t

I know that

and so here we are
letting it go
again
but this time it is
different
I don’t want to remember you
cruel and hard hearted any longer
and I don’t need my hate
to keep me upright

I want to love
as I would be loved
to eat when I am hungry
and to willingly share
my life
with you