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Open Poetry #37
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688

0 posted 2006-02-25 11:10 AM

The loss
What am I to do

The sky darkens
There are no stars

© Copyright 2006 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
1 posted 2006-02-25 11:15 AM

John....The stars will come back, even though you feel the loss forever.  
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
2 posted 2006-02-25 11:26 AM

Exactly the feelings of grief.. well done!

~ Trace my body with your words,
  in doing so, you touch my heart ~

Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
3 posted 2006-02-25 11:26 AM

is a cloud
that blots
the stars

when the sun
it will shine
like white gold

makes it less

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>

Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
4 posted 2006-02-27 02:07 PM

One click... and I find 2 incredible poems. *S*

I've written what feels like reams on the subject... without capturing the essence you did in a few words... Excellent!

Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
5 posted 2006-02-28 09:29 AM

starless and moonless
the night grieves
its shadows
the moourning overcomes

Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
6 posted 2006-02-28 10:22 AM

while not typically a fan of exaggerated brevity in poetry, the simplicity of this piece sparked melancholy - i imagine such was the intent.
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
7 posted 2007-04-23 04:11 PM

every body will feel like this.
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