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Open Poetry #37
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A Dark V
| Open Poetry #37 |
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A Dark V |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Draw the curtain dark, Close off the touching of light, Leave me here moaning, My heart deep groaning, As eyes redden in the night, I’m the curtain dark. Why exist at all? Why proceed after the fall? To remain staring And yet still caring After the silence takes all, I’m the silent fall. Why even ponder, Why debate emotion’s grasp, When it’s my giving That stops the loving A strangling touch there at last, I’m left to wonder. There’s no need for light, I can remain in the dim, Not really sulking, Not really talking, Just muttering about sin That’s hides in the night. What did you expect? So close to Valentine’s day? Love words in showers Of hearts and flowers, Sorry it is not gloom’s way For a love reflect. Gloom |
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| © Copyright 2006 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
lol I will still throw you this  |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Midnitesun, You are very kind in your response. Gloom |
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starinthedark Junior Member
since 2006-02-13
Posts 32 |
I like it gloom ...so there...lol*  starinthedark |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
LOL you inspired a love write from my pen, Professor. Forgive me?  /pip/Forum94/HTML/001141.html |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Ah come on Gloom... You know we love you. ~ Trace my body with your words, |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
I like this; I like the subject matter but I have a couple of comments. I figure that you weren't kidding about the constructive critiques so I think it's safe to cross. Don't get me wrong I did enjoy this, but the rhyming is another thing. Now, I haven't really been a big fan of the "strict rhyming" style (or whatever you call it), so my opinion may be a little biased. I found that the words you used to rhyme seemed too inevitable and formulaic. I mean I use rhyming in my poetry sometimes but it's usually coincidental and the words I use aren't typical "rhyming words". I hope this doesn't offend you, because my intentions weren't to offend you but rather give you my honest opinion (as you encouraged). So there you have it; I’ve crossed the Rubicon and there’s no turning back. I pray there are no sour feelings. Cheers - Ed "Give me a museum, and I'll fill it." |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, starinthedark, Pleased you enjoyed Thank you, Midnitesun, I am touch to be the source of a poem Thank you, Enchantress, Your words are kind as you are Thank you, Edward Grim, For the comments. I am not easily offended, especially by critique of my poems, And yours Comes from an old argument Which pops up from time to time. Poetry is not a form, But a collection of forms Some hold tight to them, others do not. But by our use of these varied forms So we define ourselves. The casual rhyme makes the poet seem in a very different way As the same subject by a strict formula writer Like myself. Hence the variety of poems of love today. Yes, the words can seem inevitable due to the rhyme But at times, it can be so much a part of the poem It completes the mood, the feel, or even the poem itself Gloom |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Happy Valentine's Day~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
It is your way to write excellence... and you've done so here. *S* I like it very much! *S* |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
I like it too! |
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