Open Poetry #36 |
Her |
evomx5 Member
since 2005-07-11
Posts 52Atlanta, GA |
The fire’s embers softly burned While for sleep, my body yearned But to nap, I do disdain For I will dream of her again Her, with eyes that sparkle brightly Cut you down to size, politely Cheeks of rose and flaxen hair Give men cause to stop and stare Her, with all her pleasant charms That beguiles and then disarms Brings the strongest man to knees The beauty of her is all he sees Her, who captured my heart and soul Emotions that I can’t control Have left me bound and weak of thought Useless to the life I sought So, I dare not sleep, for in my dreams I will hear my own heart’s screams Screams that take away my breath And, I fear, will be my death. |
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© Copyright 2005 evomx5 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
That was a terrific write! So much so that I am taking the time to address a little discrepancy. Might I make a suggestion? I do believe that the title "Her" should be "She". i.e. "Her, with eyes that sparkle brightly Cut you down to size, politely" (Her cut you) ~ She, with eyes that sparkle brightly cuts you down to size, politely (She cuts you...) I truly enjoyed your poem! ~ the rhyme, rhythm and vividly descriptive writing! Love & Light, Earth Angel |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I like this very much |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Very nice. You always tell it as if it were a story and I love stories! "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh........... cute Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow...what a write much enjoyed |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*smile* I believe this is the first time I've read you, and I very much enjoyed. Great flow, and a sweet tribute to love. I'll be reading you again. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
fantastic writing...and I agree with earth angel...as I was reading this, my mind kept thinking "She"....James |
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