It Was A Bad Start And End

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Open Poetry #36

It Was A Bad Start And End

sometimesitslonely
Junior Member

since 2005-12-27

Posts 41
USA

0 posted 2005-12-27 03:29 PM

You left and I cried,
you lived and I died,
you sat and I stood,
you did and I could.

We kissed and you lied,
I pretended I was fine,
but you knew it was fake,
like the love I couldn't make.

This smile is fake,
These tears aren't.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2005-12-27 03:44 PM

I like this alot.

Plenty of complexities beneath the seemingly simplistic surface.

Welcome to Pip.

You wrote and I read.

thank you

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

2 posted 2005-12-27 09:51 PM

Well done. I wasn't too fond of the first two lines the first time I read it (over used and cliche were my feelings) but the second time I read it I thought that it tied in nicely with the mood. So no complaints here.

Welcome to PiP!

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

Jeep Monkey
Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 96
Chaos

3 posted 2005-12-27 11:25 PM

whoo-hooooo!

Hot Tamale!

This one stings!

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

4 posted 2005-12-27 11:51 PM

ouch ... your words have an edge
good writing

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