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Open Poetry #36
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weather reading in pip!
| Open Poetry #36 |
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weather reading in pip! |
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pictureme2 Member
since 2005-11-13
Posts 194 |
It's raining. I am free, for today I've done my work. My good sense dictates me to clean out the closet but no sense of obligation is heard. I sip my coffee and look back for I've carried some of my shyness into my adult years, and perhaps, you too have a trace for you barely notice my face. We sit together, seperated by the damp air Two stangers peering at the same scene like a zillion other strangers on a million different lands on a thousand shores across time. Raindrops dance before us. I look over at you and your glare pierces my eyes trying to focus the rain pours down on us. We are drawn like a mosquito to a zapper. We look to the source of our hunger then back to the light the source of our brightness We raise our faces to heaven. Through a crack in the sky the sun has broken the earth. It's still raining but the air has a sudden warmth. It swirls around us, unfolds us. It rushes into me, pleasing my spirit, my soul, my body. One moment voyagers, within a universe now we are elemental. The light falls, shimmering, the water, the air, rises into the clouds the heaven shines thru infinity. Making one, joining a source We remain open: soaring, motionless like butterflys gliding with the wind. Whatever has happened I give it no name it has changed me and we are not quite the same. Awkward and hesitant- at first but then the words flowed I feel you greet me with a welcome smile Whatever happened, remains unlocked We speak as fellow travelers on this earth unafraid, protected of substance and worth. We speak of us now and of us then of losing and sometimes a win joy, hope, and fear of memories of there and here of those we've loved, and those we lost loving of loving too much and counting the cost of crying too little when crying was right of seasons of summer and winters of nights of all of our laughter and all of our tears the measure of us in all of our years. You ask what I believe I search my soul and present it bare trying to find the words to share finding the old and the new I give myself to you! The rain has stopped. Our cups are empty, overflowed Across the screen I feel you wondering if you felt it too Your eyes remain fixed on the glass Your breathe deeply, as if content the line of your mouth slightly uplifting you might be smiling! The sun is shining! |
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| © Copyright 2005 pictureme2 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
excellent! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Oh, Yes!! I know this scene! |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Pictureme...  "It's raining" a perfect title...you always have been good with titles... I've done my work. My good sense dictates me to clean out the closet... Nice introduction, fits the rest perfectly..this reader was thrown off a bit, not expecting the poem content that follows (a good thing, in my opinion) (I thought at first the poem was about slacking off) "It's still raining but the air has a sudden warmth. It swirls around us, unfolds us. It rushes into me, pleasing my spirit, my soul, my body. One moment voyagers, within a universe now we are elemental." These words struck me as being the most powerful in the poem..in my opinion they anchor the poem where it belongs, in nature, in humans broken down into universal, elemental forms. "of crying too little when crying was right of seasons of summer and winters of nights of all of our laughter and all of our tears the measure of us in all of our years." I love how you break stride (form) here, calling the muse to make rhyme and near rhyme-out of sync with the restrictions of free verse, love it when a poet rebels and it works... "Across the screen I feel you" I am a little puzzled at what the "screen" is, Perhaps it is the screen of air between you? Perhaps the other person is not really in the room with you, not being critical, I like mystery sometimes..and the last stanza quenches my bit of thirst for it.. A very good read, PM2, I enjoyed it... ----------ice/ford ><> [This message has been edited by ice (12-02-2005 06:24 AM).] |
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
Ditto to all of the above! Excellent write! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I absolultely adore this poem! I am not as good as ice at critiquing ~ I just know what I like ~ and me likey lots! SAVED  May the sun forever shine brightly upon you!  Love & Light, EA |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
You ask what I believe I search my soul and present it bare trying to find the words to share finding the old and the new I give myself to you! This is so very beautiful....the all of it!! Hugs, Ethel  |
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pictureme2 Member
since 2005-11-13
Posts 194 |
LeeJ Thanks for taking the time to read this and comment. I kept trying to make it shorter but I couldn't decide what to take out, I often need my tongue clipped. Martie Thanks for scene...ing with me! Ice Thanks for the critique...I enjoy being critiqued and feel honored you took the time to read it and critique it. Thanks Honeybunch Thanks for your kind words Earth Angel Thanks...always loved the word adore garysgirl Thanks for the hugs and the beautiful! I've been enjoying pip and often feel I am unworthy to be here but my muse slaps me on the head and I keep on keeping on. thanks everyone your very inspiring! |
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