The motor shuddered once, then twice, a final time then died
And left us stranded out there in some unknown countryside.
Toerag and I had spent three days bar-hopping town to town
And would have kept on going but his piece of junk broke down!

We walked for hours, both shivering in the cool October night
Without the view of even some small one-horse town in sight.
"There's something over there!", I heard a frantic Toerag say
And pointed to a farmhouse several hundred yards away.

We made the trek and knocked upon the farmhouse wooden door.
We waited, then heard footsteps from inside on hardwood floor.
A lady in a wrinkled housecoat, curlers in her hair,
Peeped out between the yellowed curtains at us standing there.

Explaining our predicament, I asked to use her phone.
I saw that she was nervous and surmised she lived alone.
She said it was too late to call, then pointed at the barn
And said we could sleep there and then call someone in the morn.

That's what we did. We spent the night there, sleeping in the barn.
It wasn't bad, except the pigs regarded Toe with scorn.
Next morning we called for a tow which came around mid-day,
Another hour to do repairs and we were on our way.

Nine months then passed - I got a call that set me on my ear!
I called that ingrate Toerag and I said, "Get over here!!!!"
Old Toe showed up in overalls and sipping on a beer.
He wiped the spittle from his lips and said, "What's up, friend 'deer?"

"Hey, Toe, recall that trip we took about nine months ago
When your old junk heap broke down and we had to get a tow?"
"Oh, sure", said Toe. "What happened was the contact points were worn
And some gal at a farmhouse let us sleep there in her barn."

"That's right, Toerag. We couldn't call 'cause it was way too late
But let me ask ask you something and you better tell me straight.
When you saw me fall fast asleep in that cold barn", I said,
"Did you sneak out on me a while and spend time in her bed?"

Toerag gave me a sheepish grin and said, "Well, 'deer, I knew
The way she looked at me she wanted Toerag whoopdedoo.
I mean, there ain't no woman born that don't fall for my charms
So I admit I sneaked up there and spent time in her arms."

"Well, let me ask you something else," My face was getting red.
"Now that we've determined that you spent time in her bed.
After you had your evilway with that poor foolish dame
And she had asked you who you were, did you give her MY name????"

Then Toerag's eyes avoided me and stared down at the floor.
He didn't act as blustery as he had been before.
"Well, there's a lot of kooks out there", he answered real low.
"I didn't want her coming here to track me down, yanno?"

"So I gave her your name. It was a foolish thing to do
But don't get all upset by this - I'll make it up to you."
My face took on a great big grin. "Don't worry, I'm not mad.
That lady died last week and left me everything she had!!!"