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Open Poetry #36
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No Chances on This Road
| Open Poetry #36 |
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No Chances on This Road |
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Have_You_Ever_Loved_Me New Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 3 |
The walls start breathing And I'm forced to take it in Today has come to an end With no chance to begin And I'm so afraid to be alone With my thoughts breaking me down But you're not around Every word that I hear from you Rips at the very shield I call skin And today comes to an end With no chance to begin You expect me to walk on down this road But I can't with you standing infront of me Staring into my eyes Into my soul that was once free And I'm trapped here At the end of life's trail And there's no way I can win Because today has come to an end With absolutely no chance to begin |
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| © Copyright 2005 Have_You_Ever_Loved_Me - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
I can’t help but like the content, So much like my cheery soul, But I would prefer a little higher structure. Misery must have a good structure If to be truly enjoyed. The walls start breathing And I'm forced to take it in Today has come to an end With no chance to begin The walls start breathing, Forcing my intake, Today does now end, Chance gives not a break, Something along this line is what I mean, Same general concept with a five foot pattern, Not that I’m saying every line must be the same, Variation in a standard motion is also good As long as it is a recognizable pattern. Commas and such also would be good. Good expression, needs polish Or at least a uniform coat of blackness. Gloom |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Smiling at Gloom. A wonderful mentor. Well done, and can see the future proof. TD |
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