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Open Poetry #36

are you spring?

crimson tear
Member

since 2003-06-07

Posts 76
Massachusetts

0 posted 2005-11-12 03:02 PM

It's cold outside
like the cold inside
frigid, freezing, my heart beats still
waiting for spring
to beat the chill
so what's your name?
and why do you make me wait?
am i to blame?
my breath is visible
my heart evaporating
tears into the well they fill
lifes uncertainty
will i make it there?
or will this journey kill me?
up hill battles
am i going backwards?
my souls breath rattles
see a shape come into being
i manage a breath
"are you spring?"
stomach lurching
with the answer she brings
"no my son, you must keep searching"

[This message has been edited by crimson tear (11-13-2005 09:24 PM).]

Dominique-Simone
Senior Member

since 2005-11-12

Posts 643

1 posted 2005-11-12 04:24 PM

Great rhythm... It really has its own beat

crimson tear
Member

since 2003-06-07

Posts 76
Massachusetts

2 posted 2005-11-12 10:22 PM

thank you :0)

SarBear
Member

since 2003-06-05

Posts 205
Massachusetts

3 posted 2005-11-13 09:23 PM

I really like this. I like how you ask the rhetorical question on the middle...I love those.

And no, I am NOT the better writer- you definately win that fight.

bgj
Member

since 2005-11-09

Posts 128
Ga. USA

4 posted 2005-11-13 10:43 PM

Great write, I really enjoyed reading this. Lots of luck,
bgj

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

5 posted 2005-11-13 11:02 PM

cool write man , glad i read it ...
~wolf

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