The Tuner

– excuse me, I’m here to tune –
– not with the bride or groom, I’m here to –
– Ralph? I’m sorry maam, don’t even know anyone named –
– I don’t know, just here to tune the piano and I –
– no, they didn’t tell me there was a wedding, they just –
– oh hello, yes please, could you show me where the –
– a photographer? oh the briefcase... no, I’m not, but –
– no, really, I’m not him – could I –
– please, yes, there’s only an organ in here, could you –
– sorry, no, I must look like him but I –
– Akron? no, maam, Ralph lives there I guess. I live down –
– uh, thanks but I’m working, and I can’t, I’m in A.A. –
– piano, could you show me where the piano –
– right here in town, and my name’s Jim not Ralph –
– I’d like that, sure, but it’s too crowded to dance anyway –
– still married? no, but if you’re talking about Ralph –
– yes I’m sure, down on El Cajon, it’s a halfway house but –
– the dress, oh, you’re a bridesmaid, yes very flattering –
– the piano, could you show me where the –
– picture? they won’t want me in a picture, I’m not –
– no, maam, it’s not that I don’t want to dance, but –
– your car? he sells used cars? you think I look like a –
– I don’t think you’re – I like you but the dance is for –
– as long as you’ve got hold of me, who is this Ralph –
– sorry, I’m sure the wine is good, but I –
– yes that music is too loud for me too –
– a piano with the band? but maybe they’ll know –
– oh there you are again! maam, the piano, could you –
– go somewhere quieter? I’d like that, but I’m here to –
– but I’m not Ralph, I just came here to –
– I don’t know, do you think the piano’s in there? I –
– what we did last summer? you mean you and –
– you’re going to lock the door? lights? are you –
– sure you want to do this? oh my –
– on the piano? oh hell, why not! –