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Open Poetry #35

pwb pwb pwb

Beki
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA

0 posted 2005-04-17 12:34 PM

revision:

seaside neon -
waves shimmer red and green
beneath the pier.

original:

pier at midnight ~
waves shimmer red and green
beneath the boardwalk

[This message has been edited by Beki (04-18-2005 12:42 AM).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2005-04-17 12:40 PM

great visual!

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2005-04-17 01:04 PM

Love it! A pier conveys a feeling of longing.

Love,
Margherita

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2005-04-17 01:12 PM

Very very nice...enjoyed this one.

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

4 posted 2005-04-17 01:35 PM

Oh, yes! ~ pwb pwb pwb! lol

You are very good at creating these little vignettes! The sights and sounds and the sensations stay with the readers of them!

yv
Senior Member

since 2003-05-30

Posts 574

5 posted 2005-04-17 04:15 PM

Tu eres una maestra de los "haikus". Again, I am enchanted. I loved this poem. Continuarse traer el sol con sus palabras hermosas. Loved all over.

Yv-Goddess of Her Domain. Symbol of Truth Passion Pain. Let Her Smile Rain on the Hearts of the Innocent.

[This message has been edited by yv (04-17-2005 09:21 PM).]

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

6 posted 2005-04-17 05:41 PM

a nice visual~

My spirit will rise
above the sea~
There will be no drowning
of my soul or me~

Beki
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA

7 posted 2005-04-17 08:53 PM

thanks everyone, glad you enjoyed, and

Yv - muchos gracias por sus palabras generosas

[This message has been edited by Beki (04-18-2005 12:41 AM).]

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