Trading in the Wind - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

0 posted 2005-03-30 02:02 AM

~*~

Once we were the swell of waves
fashioned in the rise and fall
curled up in the pleasure of oceans
we swam beyond the outside sets
and found a paradise of our own.

We had it all in another lifetime
trembling beneath the ardent glow of tropical skys
we flew above the clouds
and drew the shades in powder blue
trading in the wind.

But now we are so many things
a work of heart that lacks the luster
like a treasure trove bottled up
tangled and tossed between the lines
that bears the pain of sun days rose in bloom.

~*~

netsky
Member

since 2005-03-29

Posts 148
Miami

1 posted 2005-03-30 02:08 AM

Hi BluesSerenade

I think your name is apt.

your poem reads so very musically. It's lovely all the way

just two small suggestions:

"sky's" is not in a possesive setting. you want "skys", yes?

"the pain of sun days rose in bloom."

I realize this is deliberate. Yet it is trip in the flow because the eye arrests here on "sun days". Could it be more effective if you joined these two, even without capping? I -think- so, for me at least

thanks for a lovely reading. It reads aloud so well. A graceful poem. you must be this way, too.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

2 posted 2005-03-30 02:18 AM

Gee thanks for the nice reply, netsky, and for pointing out my bad. I'm an apostrophe waiting to happen, or not!

As far as sun days go, it was meant to be and I'm sticking to it. Thanks so much for taking the time to read, and welcome to the blue pages.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

3 posted 2005-03-30 07:44 AM

But now we are so many things
a work of heart that lacks the luster
like a treasure trove bottled up
tangled and tossed between the lines
that bears the pain of sun days rose in bloom.

those tossed roses - where do their petals fall....maybe they'll ride the wind and scater at your door again come one sunless
day

love to see your blondeness your highness

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2005-03-30 07:49 AM

I can relate well to this, of course, you knew that

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

5 posted 2005-03-30 07:50 AM

We had it all in another lifetime
trembling beneath the ardent glow of tropical skys
we flew above the clouds
and drew the shades in powder blue
trading in the wind.

Hiya hon, this verse just grabs me...
and hangs on.
So good to see you here m'dear
and I love your pic too.
HUGGGSSSSSSSS

I really want to care,
I want to feel something,
let me dig a little deeper
nah, still nothing~
my give a DAMN is busted. Jodee

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

6 posted 2005-03-30 08:04 AM

BluesSerenade
Grab a daisy and pluck the petals.

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

7 posted 2005-03-30 08:34 AM

donning my bonnet Bluesy;
Let's go pick the daisies.
TD

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2005-03-30 08:40 AM

I truly believe you are
tempting me again, little one...

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

9 posted 2005-03-30 09:18 AM

You know I like your "blues-isms" -- any day! Thought sun day was a particularly good one, because it shined a little flashlight on a way of looking at the poem, that might have been hidden in the shadows otherwise.....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

10 posted 2005-03-30 09:23 AM

I've got the basket
Lets go pick daisies!
Lovely this...lovely you!
Hugs~Nancy

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

11 posted 2005-03-30 10:54 AM

Blues,

   How well the title fits the mood!  Trading... and what is a fair trade? When should a trade be made?  OH,the questions this brings to mind!

    Hoping the trade winds soon warm.

                   sadie

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

12 posted 2005-03-30 12:59 PM

Don't it always seem to go. ~sigh~
Thanks for being here, and for all the nice things you said.
I appreciate it more than you know.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

13 posted 2005-03-30 01:18 PM

a work of heart that lacks the luster

I like this very much, Bluesy... especially this line... it captures the fade perfectly. *S*

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

14 posted 2005-03-31 12:30 PM

Thank you suthern gal for your sensitive and caring replies. You left one for me a while back, and I apologize that I never thanked you for it as it meant a great deal to me. "To love and not inspire"....which was the heart and the ache of that particular poem. Again I thank you sincerely for your knowing replies, and for never missing a beat.

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

15 posted 2005-04-01 11:12 PM

"tangled and tossed between the lines
that bears the pain of sun days rose in bloom."

Bet it's yellow...

Very cool write Bluesy.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.