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Open Poetry #35

Burn away conformity

Sun of faith
Member

since 2003-01-31

Posts 101

0 posted 2005-03-29 10:54 PM

Wht is it that people now think with their eyes instead of their minds and hearts?
How is it possible that the colour of your hair or the clothes you wear is more important than ones soul?
We all realise you can alter your shell in a search for perffection and affection, but what you all dont seem to realize is that a different shell will never change the person you are.
Instead of trying to find a spark with the outfit you're wearing, try and find a spark somewhere within yourself, and be who you were born to be.

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

1 posted 2005-03-29 11:15 PM

I liked the messeage of your poem. I though have some insignificant pointers that may or may not help you with your poem. Each phrase put in its own lines makes it easier to read the poem, and when you change phases add an extra space. This is just a nice visual toool to help the readers. I like your poem and its nice (;

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

netsky
Member

since 2005-03-29

Posts 148
Miami

2 posted 2005-03-30 12:56 PM

agreeing with JuJu... have him help out your poem's line breaks.

Typos in a poem hurt the effect.. so easy to fix

nice, though-- a kind message
thanks,
reid

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

3 posted 2005-03-30 01:01 AM

There is a song within every single person, for anyone with ears to hear it. Some are beautiful indeed, though the outside of that person may be plain to uncaring eyes....some are coarse and ugly....the song of an ugly spirit can spoil the best appearance.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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