The View( I tire of pretty things)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

The Jackal
Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 426
Springfield, Massachusetts U.S.A

0 posted 2005-03-29 08:47 PM

Every day is a great big ape, holding you down and stripping your ambition ,and everywhere there is noise
Street noise, Sterile noise, The Noise of progress

Your proud you trash your room You improve the view

I'll wear what fits because
    whatever grows in this glove
      is his alone to give
    you mention Love you throw the word around
        like a rag doll in the mouth of a rabid dog
I never thought you would really listen
        now i dont know what else to say
    but I am proud I will trash this room
         I will improve the view

New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything. For the heart is an organ of fire

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

1 posted 2005-03-29 08:54 PM

i had to stop reading while the laugh went through me.

then i read and realized that it was quite interesting.

i am not sure if there are two "speakers" or one, but its a bit of brain work either way, nice.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

2 posted 2005-03-30 09:26 AM

I like your way of looking at things -- strong and unique.....but you gotsta work on sense pauses with poet tools, stuff like line breaks and spacing, or else release the lowly comma from its Babylonian Captivity.....if you don't, methinks some good work will end up unread because people who would have liked the rest of it, will wander away because they don't understand the lack.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

3 posted 2005-03-30 09:33 AM

I never thought you would really listen
        now i dont know what else to say
    but I am proud I will trash this room
         I will improve the view

I think many people can relate to this.
This last line is so positive.
Very well done.

I really want to care,
I want to feel something,
let me dig a little deeper
nah, still nothing~
my give a DAMN is busted. Jodee

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

4 posted 2005-03-30 10:01 AM

LOL. I trash the rooms of my mind every day, but still like pretty things....like the dandelions some try to eradicate.
Enjoyed this view today.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2005-03-30 10:52 AM

cool write

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.