Well, hello out there, everyone.
John Kerry is my name.
I wanna be your president
Bushwhackin' is my game.
The Democrats think I'm the one
To knock him off his perch
And there's no truth that children think
That I resemble Lurch!

I won three purple hearts, a silver star,
A bronze one, too.
I outshone Audie Murphy -
Did things Rambo cannot do!
I'm listed in the Guiness Book of Records..
Special mention
For being wounded most times with no
Medical attention.

Hello, my fellow voters. It's your buddy
John F Kerry!
Does my career in congress make me
Glow with pride? Not very...
But now that I'm a candidate I'll give up
All those tricks
And show you there is nothing in
This great land I can't fix.

I'll stop those tax breaks for the rich,
Fix our economy,
Make everyone pay their fair share
(Except for John and me).
I'll bring our boys home from Iraq
In no time - I ain't dumb.
Look how quick I brought my own self
Back from Viet Nam!!!!

Hey, undecided voters, it's your new friend
John F. Kerry!
I may not know a lot of things
But I know how to marry!
Threw my medals away in protest--
Should have seen me sling 'em!
Oops! I forgot that those weren't mine..
Seems I forgot to bring 'em.

Arafat endorses me. Hamas says I'm their man.
Castro says that I'm the one. So does the Taliban.
Every terror group is for me - so is good old France.
If all these folks believe in me
Why not give me a chance?

Hey, all you little voters! Come on now
Get off your ass.
Forget my votes for raising taxes
On the middle class.
Don't let your apathy dissolve
In non-commital yawns.
With so much crap around these days
You really NEED two Johns!!