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Open Poetry #34
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2005-02-07 12:16 PM



The rising sun
casts a red glow
through blue air

Your house
on the corner
lies still
in gray shadows

I see a lamp
come on in your attic room

On our yards a light snow
drifts down



© Copyright 2005 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2005-02-07 12:36 PM


what a scene
so vivid in a few words

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
2 posted 2005-02-07 12:57 PM


PS

Thanks


This is one of my favorites by virtue of a response I got on another site
which I quote below, (except for one word):

Dear John,

“ What is it about this that so impresses you? “

Well, I’m no master of critique.

It’s hard to put into words… like you said, it is a mood piece.

Simply put, I like the way it made me feel. It made me feel something – unlike so many other poems out there. I’m not trying to be evasive, but… what is it about Van Gogh that makes his paintings move me? For the life of me I could not tell you.

I do like the way you start with color… then switch to the house in grey shadows… and then the lamp in the attic, and snow following that… I may be off base on your intent – but for me there seemed to be a sense of hope there… or something mysterious happening…. Most of all I found it to be a thing of beauty… the way you worded it…

I don’t know… it just moved me. And the most important test of any poem (for me) is if it stays with you… this stayed in my mind hours after I read it, and I found myself reflecting on it.

S, John… it made me feel. There is so much well crafted poetry that seems hollow inside that I read. This is well crafted AND it does not seem hollow. . .

Sorry I can’t be more precise. But I did like it – a lot.

Cordially,

...........................

The writer summarized what I was hoping to achieve for a reader; it made me
feel very good

Again, thanks for reading.

John


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

3 posted 2005-02-07 10:44 PM


It's a visual masterpiece, John! That's what's good about it!
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2005-02-07 11:22 PM


It is a painting, alright.  Very nice to read it, too.
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
5 posted 2007-04-23 06:34 PM


It is a very good one.

the comment is good. finally there are out there someone who can read you mind roughly about this poem.


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