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Open Poetry #34

Laurel

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2005-01-10 08:20 PM

I suspect,
if I died first,...
you'd buy the plot
next to me in the ground.

And then, enclosed,
reveal to all
your secret
held so long.

There, beside,
to bare of seed
a shrine whose slender limbs

with leaves
would shade our common bed;

women...
are very strange.

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

1 posted 2005-01-11 06:23 PM

I dont think this comes across as you intended but I dont think that "as I understand it" knowledge of Asian life is a matter day course of life, is what also doesn't come across.

Dave

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

2 posted 2005-01-11 07:45 PM

Yes we are strange. I spaz out and I am never able to say how I feal until its too late. Its a stage..... I hope.

Juju

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2005-01-12 05:28 AM

cool write!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

4 posted 2005-01-12 09:41 AM

"And then, enclosed,
reveal to all
your secret
held so long"

nah...I am just waiting for some of the main characters to die, then I will tell my secrets...

Well done John!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2005-01-12 09:49 AM

You layered these laurels well, John...

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

6 posted 2005-01-12 11:11 AM

fine write john

susan? you slay me..smooch

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

7 posted 2005-01-12 06:14 PM

"women...
are very strange."

You are very brave my friend, and yet, I do agree...

.
JL

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

8 posted 2005-01-12 06:53 PM

I like this...very mysterious in a way.

~Alli~

Happy 2005!

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