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Open Poetry #34
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Loving You - Senryu (2000th Post)
| Open Poetry #34 |
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Loving You - Senryu (2000th Post) |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry 
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Besides this being my 2000th post, this is also my first time posting in the Open forum (i usually post in teen) and it's also my first time writing a Senryu. So any suggestions, etc. are welcome!  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  Happy 2005! [This message has been edited by *Alli4000* (01-02-2005 06:14 PM).] |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Alli, this is perfect. You know I wondered why I never saw any of your poems here ... but I read so many loving replies. Congratulations on your 2000th post and welcome to Open Poetry! What a beautiful presentation too! Happy New Year! Love, Margherita  |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
My dear, come and write with us more often. Beautiful write. TD |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Alli I wouldn't know a Haiku if it bit me. Talent I know. A kind caring person I know. You are a kind considerate person with a lot of talent. Dave |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
In worlds Light rays supreme On eyes of the world Take care Dave |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Now what suggestions could you want except that you should do more of these, this was absolutely spectacular! The presentation and subject were perfecto mongo  Congratulations of your 2000th post Alli, you are surely a wonderful member and supporter of the poets at Pipps as well as a budding poet yourself! I too wondered where you hid, now I know Carpe' Diem |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Open, Alli...it's good to see you in here! Please, check your e-mail! |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Alli - this is great and congrats on your 2000th post! Hugs, Chris |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Alli!! This is beautiful!! I hope you will post here in Open more often. Congratulaions on your 2,000 post! |
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babygirlwlove Senior Member
since 2004-10-10
Posts 1180New York City |
this is hallmark in its beauty...congrats on the post... love&light, **Mari** **Intoxicant to the SouL** |
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scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
Beautfully expressed!! And congratulations on 2000 posts. believe in what your heart feels... |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
i got lost in his sea eyes and havent found my way out yet..... very expressive alli |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
wonderful,alli...love that picture too |
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WranglrButts9 Member
since 2004-10-24
Posts 108Iowa, US |
Alli, This is absolutely my favorite from you! I love it, absolutely LOVE it! The picture you found was great for it too, do good in open, and congrats on 2000 (dont disappear now though!) Bailey Good judgment comes from experience, |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Congratulations on 2000, Alli. It's good to see you posting here. I tried to find your posts, too. Now I know why! Your Senryu sounds perfect to me! Very pretty! miscellanea |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
A beauty of a senryu, Alli! The photo and words go hand in hand.  |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Alli4000 -- Congratulations on 2000! This was very lovely! Happy New Year, too! |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
Well it seems as if i was just congratulating you on your 1000th post. Well welcome to open and congrats on the lovely 2000th post. quite fitting, a lovely post written by a lovely person. happy new year nice use of muffin |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
 oh Alli, this is beautiful!and congrats on your milestone 2000 please stay here in Open more! |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
This is simply stunning - well done and nice to see you here - come around more often Hugs SusanEvery action generates a force that returns to us in like kind . . . let us choose compassion and love |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
Congs on your (2000th post).good read |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
How very beautiful! *S* Congratulations on your milestone post... and thank you for all the kind replies you've given me. *S* |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
I love looking into my loves blue oceans....his eyes are blue green... maybe one day I can swim in his eyes for real.. Love the picture and poem...great job! ~ARH Come,love all of me, mind, body, spirit..feel my passion, taste of me, be filled completely! |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
Your poem is not really a senyru but it could be if you make it less conversational and get rid of some unnecessary words. Also forget the whole 5-7-5 thing, haiku and senyru are more correctly shorter, like 4-6-4 or less. The differences in our languages make 17 too long in English. A suggested rewrite to show you how to trim the fat and make this a stronger poem in terms of the form... Blue eyes whisper like gently rolling seas "you're my everything" I applaud you for trying somehting new and would encourage you to read some of the masters of this form...basho, buson, issa. One of its most important qualities is economy of language.....to say as much as possible in as few of words as possible.Generally the first 2 lines are an observation and the last a revelation, your poem fits that pretty well. Also I have used simile in my rewrite which also would not usually happen, but it seemed easiest to show you what I meant. This is a sweet and romantic little posm, but if you are striving to write in a particular form, at least consider my suggestions,. This is something I do know well. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Alli, I believe this is perfect as is and I also believe you should come post in open more often! and this one?  |
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Sweetpoet16m4u04 Member
since 2002-11-10
Posts 153Ma, U.S.A |
Hey Beautiful, This was amazing keep up the great work and i will always love you!! |
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Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
alli, this is lovely.. and it's good to read YOU! "so I wait for you like a lonely house |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...congratulations Alli for this fine post and for reaching 2000...James |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
goodness Alli! this is BEAUTIFUL!!! loved it!!! |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Thank you all so much for the replies! Margherita: Thank you for the congrats. So the mystery is now solved, eh?  Thanks for the lovely reply. Kathleen: I will try to post in open more often. Thanks! Dave: Aw...Dave...that's so sweet! Thank you for taking the time to reply and for your great little "response poem"! ^_^ Sharon: Thank you so for the caring reply...glad that you enjoyed my poem! *grin* |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Karilea: Thank you for both the reply and the suggestion! Chris: Thank you for the congratulatios...I'm so glad that you took the time to read and reply to my poem! Nancy: I will try to post in here more often. Everyone in here is so welcoming and kind and helpful!  Mari: I'm so pleased that you think that highly of my poem! ^.^ Thanks so much for replying! |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
scorpio: Glad you think it's good! I mean, you are like the haiku king of Pip! Michele: Thank you SO much for taking the time to read and reply...I appreciate it sooo much. Jasmine: Glad that you enjoyed this! Bailey: Heh...I dont think its my best...of course, i dont like any of my poems...lol. You know I wont disappear!  *hugs* |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Miscellanea: I didn't know so many people were looking for me!...(well where I posted actually, LOL). Thank you so much for the reply...I feel proud of my poem knowing you think it's pretty and that you enjoyed it! Kacy: THANK YOU~ I really appreciate your lovely reply! Iliana: I'm glad you like it! I hope that you had a very happy New Year as well! John: You thought I made you blush, but you make ME blush! lol. Thank you for always writing such sweet replies to my poems. I hope that you had a great New Year! |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Dixie: Thank you so much! 2000 doesn't seem like that much compared to your 31000, but don't worry, I'll get there one day! LOL! Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. You don't know how much it means to me! Susan: I will try and post here more often. Everyone here is so nice - I feel so welcome! Thank you SO much for the reply! Vandana: Thank you for the reply! Laura: Oh course I replied to your poems...they are amazing! Thank you so much for the congrats and for reading! |
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Sweetpoet16m4u04 Member
since 2002-11-10
Posts 153Ma, U.S.A |
I forgot to say congrats for your 2000th post hun keep writing you are very good at it!! You are always on my mind!! |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Love is indeed, all that, how lucky you are. I'm so glad I didn't miss this. Congratulations on your milestone Alli, and thank you for all the kindness you've shown to me. |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
ARH: Thank you for the reply! If you like it, it must be good because ur the romantic here! Beki: Thank you for your help and suggestions, and for the rewrite of my poem. Donna: You are so sweet and make me feel so welcome in here! THANK YOU! Chris: Love you too!  |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Snow: Yes, it's nice to read me, but I'd much rather read YOU! LOL! James: Thank you so much James replying to my poems! Susan: Thank You SO Much! You're so sweet! Chris:  lol!Lori: Thank you so much Bluesy for reading and replying! |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
OMG! I had NO idea that would take me so long! It only took me an hour and 15 minutes to write my thank yous...not that I really mind having to write so many! (hint-hint)Seriously, THANK YOU everyone for all the lovely, kind, caring replies! I'm so happy that I found pip! Now, I'm off to bed!  ~Alli~ Happy 2005! |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Hi Alli!!  I decided to read a little in the "blue" before I went to bed. I'm so glad that I did!! I also looked for your posts because you are so nice and sweet about replying to so many here in Open. Thank you for all the nice replies that you've given to me on my poems. And, Sweetie, this is an absolutely beautiful love senryu. I also love the picture, too. Just beautiful. And congratulations on your 2000 posts!!   |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Welcome aboard the Open seas! I have enjoyed all your wonderful responses you have written in this forum ~ Now we get to read your poetry as well. This way very lovely ~ as is your photo! Love & Light, Linda P.S. No suggestions ~ just appreciation!  |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Ethel: Awww....thank you so much! Linda: You're always so kind to me...thanks! Can you believe this is the 41st reply? (ok 32 not counting my thank-yous)..but still! I feel so welcome here by all of you! Thank you everyone!!! ~Alli~ Happy 2005! |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
An excellent 1st, I have been wondering where you were...always sneaking into open and commenting, but never seen. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Glad this was brought back up. It's a wonderful writing and congrats! "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
A great first posting in Open Poetry. I look forward to reading more of your work. Well done! INclan |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Congratulations on your 2000th post!!! Yay!!!  I see that you’ve received many many kind responses here of Love and Gratitude and you do seem to be very very Welcome here. I Love your presentation in this poem and I do think that your words compliment the graphic very very nicely. I also hope and look forward to reading more of your poetry. -Bob |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Barry: Thank you so much for the kind reply! I'm coming up to 3000 posts soon, so maybe I'll sneak back in here and post a poem! Susan: Thnaks for taking the time to read and reply! I appreciate it so much. INclan: Thank you for the nice reply! Hope to read some new poems by you soon! Bob: Yes, I feel so welcome here. I was worried that coming in here and posting with the "adults" (lol) would be kind of awkward, but everyone is so welcome and kind! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply!!  James: Thank you so much James for the kind reply! Thanks again everyone your kind replies and encouragement! ~Alli~ *AIM = Alli4000* Journal! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
congrats!! |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Beautiful! Excellent write Alli4000!! Picture perfect. JL |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
beautiful, no way to make it any more so... welcome and yep its good to see you here |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Beautiful poem Alli......Wow! 2000....warm wishes....~P |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Visiting one more time...James |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Very lovely, Alli! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Alli.......I'm sorry I'm so late to see this lovely Senryu...Congrats on the 2000!  |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Dixie: Thank you so much! JL: I'm so happy that you think it's so beautiful...makes me feel proud. Jellybeans: Thank you for the lovely reply! ^_^ Choshi: Thank you taking the time to read an dreply. Glad you liked my poem! James: Thank you so much!! ~_~ Iliana: Thanks!! Martie: Better late then never! Thanks for the reply!! =) Thanks again everyone SO much!! =) ~Alli~ *AIM = Alli4000* Journal! |
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