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Open Poetry #34
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icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2004-12-22 12:04 PM



Greasy timid memories of rain,
holidays in Muzak thoughts,
Mylar snow adrift
with hurried scurried wants
awash in self deception,
gluttonies and avarice
wrapped with lust in multi colored
briberies toasted over shallow fires
churning
underneath a smokescreen of belief,

in crowds I am awash in thought;
don’t get angry,
I was taught with cartoon concepts
of souls lost to redemption;
never tell the others of tricks that came with birth,
life itself
the grand illusion,
just touch the mind and go
never let them know of anything of worth
left out for easy taking.

I look at the purity of first snow
as it optimizes where I could hide sanity,
stolen quietly
as it slides against the earth.

How much did you sell me for?  
I guess I do not really want to know.  
Now sellers,
buyers,
all long gone,
tracks covered by the falling snow of memories
and crystalized recriminations,
icicles in shattered moments
of what I’ve been allowed to know.

©2004 by icebox

© Copyright 2004 icebox - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2004-12-22 12:08 PM


arctic blast felt
bah humbug and then some, eh?
a good write, even if it made me shiver

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
2 posted 2004-12-22 12:13 PM


icebox

"life itself
the grand illusion,
just touch the mind and go"

Sometimes your poetry is like this....because you do touch the mind, then leave, and I'm wondering what you meant, and where the thought came from.  And so, it's not always easy to reply, except for the good old standby hug...which I give gladly!




garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
3 posted 2004-12-22 12:43 PM


Iceman, I was thinking the same as Martie....
wondering if this was written from personal experiences.
If so, here's another hug....
and if not, here's another hug anyway.
     

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2004-12-22 02:44 AM


"How much did you sell me for?  
I guess I do not really want to know.  
Now sellers,
buyers,
all long gone,
tracks covered by the falling snow of memories
and crystalized recriminations,
icicles in shattered moments
of what I’ve been allowed to know."

This is a correspondence I would like to have with you to find out if what I suspect your thoughts are, are indeed that.  If you would care to expound, I would be all ears.   ......jo

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
5 posted 2004-12-22 05:17 AM


some things just shouldn't be sold
ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
6 posted 2004-12-22 05:29 AM


­
­­Applause!

This poem reminds me of my view of modern Christmas...
So much different than what I remember as a child...

The first stanza clearly and honestly, depicts the state of mind of pop/culture moderns, the injection of things fake into a realm of sublime tradition.

"holidays in Musak thoughts," indeed...

" gluttonies and avarice
wrapped with lust in multi colored
briberies toasted over shallow fires
churning"

Excellent.....


"I was taught with cartoon concepts
of souls lost to redemption;"

So was I...by Nuns, at afterschool catechism...I can relate
They thought that they could just "touch the (my) mind and go"
and "never let (me) know of anything (else) of worth"
but what happened was directly the opposite.

" look at the purity of first snow
as it optimizes where I could hide sanity,
stolen quietly
as it slides against the earth."

This poem is that snow, it is filled with hidden sanity, in its thin metaphor,
the reality of a life shows through.

"How much did you sell me for?"

A question directed at society in general,(my opinion)and in particular, your immediate family..."  

"Now sellers,
buyers,
all long gone,
tracks covered by the falling snow of memories"


And then a lament...

icicles in shattered moments
of what I’ve been allowed to know."

Thoughts of what it would have been like if things were learned differently,
Would you have accepted the Muzak for the real thing, had you been allowed to know it was not?

I picture you walking through a mall, muttering this statement under your breath...I think I will take it with me next year when I go to the mall again..(as I do about every two years, just to see what society is up to)

"Mylar snow adrift
with hurried scurried wants
awash in self deception,
gluttonies and avarice"

I better shut up now, just wanted to let you know that this poem is a rare opportunity for self examination and I enjoyed it...you may not have intended it to be such, but that's the way I see it.

Thank You

____________ice/ford
   ><>







­

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
7 posted 2004-12-22 09:51 AM


Oh Icy...how sad it is indeed.

This year for me is different...I feel happy and the hypocrisy of society doesn't bother me as much...I think because I finally get that I just need to concentrate on what is important to me and mine...I can't save the world.

However, one more person in the mall cuts me off or touches me and someone is losing a limb! (got bail money?)

  love ya Icey!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
8 posted 2004-12-22 05:21 PM


Thank you all for your time, your kind words and especially for your thoughts.

I hope the holiday season rests gently on your shoulders.


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