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Open Poetry #34
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A victim of strict standards
| Open Poetry #34 |
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A victim of strict standards |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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People thought her arrogant Or her bearing, affected aristocracy But, she had already decided She would always be a waitress And was happy enough with that The ease with which she moved Is what caused the misconceptions Her dream had been to be a dancer A Prima Ballerina in particular And the years of study had given her A noticeably different relationship With the spaces around her But Ballet, In its imperiousness had failed her She was too tall and too womanly In those singular womanly places To catch on with a company She and I would, for a time, spend time Keeping at bay, the ghosts of the other At the beach mostly, where she danced For me, nearly naked in the dunes Her feet transcribing in the sand A choreography of her disappointment To the orchestra she heard in the ocean While gulls hung hovering above her Like pale and raucous cherubs Clamoring and greedy for her attention Or, in the trailer we borrowed, where I would delight in, both the dance And that too womanly, woman |
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| © Copyright 2004 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"At the beach mostly, where she danced For me, nearly naked in the dunes Her feet transcribing in the sand A choreography of her disappointment To the orchestra she heard in the ocean" Wonderful wonderful write Ed!! Amazing imagery..love the lines I have placed in bold. Well done sir..very well done! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
smiling sometimes I think we know the same wimmen.  love this m'yeti. love your gentle take on life.  |
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A Tone of Voice Member
since 2001-07-18
Posts 287 |
wranx, you probably won't recall my name, but I remember you---and when I spied the name wranx I immediately buzzed this way--to read. I wasn't disappointed. I love to write, but I can't get it ~exactly~ where I won't it---to that place I've dubbed real. You're there my friend, sooo good. Atov~ |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
this is very touching and lovely- Susan Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
Wranx Your words mrror something for me. Place called Miskin Manor and that was how the idea for my words started. I wrote it primeavel but I never published it until now. Hurt her back - got the landing wrong. Worked as a waitress at Miskin Manor - got a TV spot and the hurt back went when it got some different treatment, but too many wrong people, had taken the years she needed, out. She was working on a degree to solve problems like hers when I knew. I sat in a darken room You came to me on air I loved you at first sight But you're not for me or there I looked into your eyes I loved your very feel I like the way your bottom wiggled I wanted you for real Two nights later you came to me Sparkling as the stars And then you served to me Spinach, cheese and mars We talked about the ballet I drew your every breath And then the curtain called For one last quick Riposte 2 On a thread of sound Sparkling stars served Spinach, cheese and thoughts And then the curtain called For one last quiche |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Actually Karen, Maia (yes, her real name...but I didn't mention it in the poem, because, well, that would make it seem even more, a fiction) was no Frances. She was in every respect "normally" built. She explained that her figure, more like a skier's, was just too burdensome for the male dancer to toss about. *smile* Nancy and Susan, thanks for taking the time AToV, yes, good to see you back! Thanks Dave, for sharing your own "Maia" here [This message has been edited by wranx (12-13-2004 09:43 PM).] |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
loved this one a beautiful scene written beautifully  |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Very good write wranx! I enjoyed this so much! ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ssiyer/minstrels/poems/988.html |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Ed, this is so romantic...and I do love romance. This part reminded me of some "dances" on the beach....... At the beach mostly, where she danced For me, nearly naked in the dunes Her feet transcribing in the sand Beautiful writing, Sir Poet. Hugs,  |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
A pleasure to read....James |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Well done! I loved it.. "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
see dude? you haven't told all your stories yet this is goody |
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scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
This is a great wrtie Ed. I enjoyed it very much. The soul savaging truth of ballet is hidden by it's beauty and grace. believe in what your heart feels... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
She was too tall and too womanly In those singular womanly places ~*~ this, I know... you bring poems home, Ed... and you do it so well. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
damn Ed, love to see you write this side of you, cuz you do it soooo well....Well done sir! The greatest beauty on earth, is |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Eddie, you always take a simple perspective and weave it into such breathtaking art that it makes me wish that I saw the world through your eyes . . . it seems like a much more beautiful place. This? yes, exactly, well written: She and I would, for a time, spend time Keeping at bay, the ghosts of the other |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Simply beautiful, Ed... Miss you, my friend...  "When the power of love overcomes the love |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
A choreography of her disappointment To the orchestra she heard in the ocean A poem within a poem... and every level is superb!! |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
"At the beach mostly, where she danced For me, nearly naked in the dunes Her feet transcribing in the sand A choreography of her disappointment To the orchestra she heard in the ocean" Excellent poetry! enjoyed __________ice ><> |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Wahooooo Bro, this is stunning beautiful. Maree into this night i wonder, it's morning that i dread, another day of knowing of, the path i fear to tread. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed I thought I had replied to this, but I see I didn't, so I will now. "While gulls hung hovering above her Like pale and raucous cherubs Clamoring and greedy for her attention" "It is my feeling, that birds know something special about people...I am always very touched when one takes to me." Your poem is sensitive and beautiful...much enjoyed! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I always enjoy reading your portrayals of others ~ especially of women. You seem to understand and appreciate them. You look beyond the obvious. I believe that you were more than enough man for this particular woman!  Linda |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
good write |
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