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Open Poetry #34
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2004-12-06 01:51 AM



Finally,
I let you go
because you missed all the cues.

The big signs
in words that said:
say something sensitive
and own him.

Because, instead,
with deep,
bright,
blank looks
you awaited my bid,
my proposition.
What and where
I would buy
to buy you
in your last years
of pretty.

Because, if I met the price
and by mistake you came to "love" me,
I saw myself,
my life as work,
time
blocks of stone
moved around
making a way to death;

my only happiness
being too busy to see
    
all the men when you were young
come
dripping from your womb
through your now
understood
vacant eyes
                            
to laugh
in my face.  

© Copyright 2004 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2004-12-06 05:31 AM


hmmmmm...

The big signs
in words that said:
say something sensitive
and own him.


reverse that please~~~

~softly smiling quiet thoughts~
M

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
2 posted 2004-12-07 12:26 PM


I think I understand what you are saying...sometimes all it takes is the right way of saying something. What are words but gifts we give to the person who touches our hearts?
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

3 posted 2004-12-07 12:33 PM


this one speaks volumns, feelings which I've felt, but have tried to keep in mind, as well, people cannot always read minds, and fear being bold, for perhaps fear of loosing even a friendship.  I know, been there, done that...to many times, I've taken that step, only to have rejection look directly into my heart....and so...

Good good honest write.
Enjoyed

Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

4 posted 2004-12-07 04:30 PM


Powerfuly expressed.

Eric

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
5 posted 2004-12-07 07:23 PM


Thanks everyone.

This thing is in company
with a poem with the same title
by David Ignatow.

John


wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
6 posted 2004-12-07 10:01 PM


Very good work!

Very good indeed.

Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
7 posted 2007-05-15 09:00 PM


whose is better?
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