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Open Poetry #34
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a piece of art
| Open Poetry #34 |
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a piece of art |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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The last thing that I needed was a lack of any thing: I leaned to hear her prophecy as though were written in the drool of the ink of too much school hanging from her lip, she ruled - banging fist upon the bar: "It ain't all about the art," she said to me, an elbow lean dropping ashes fusing scars puddling her circumstance, "'tender, please another shot" she waved her butt magnanimous "there are visions in the dust" she nodded swirling lashes in melds of gray elbow and that -- She exhaled and stabbed at it as though it were a long lost friend that whom had betrayed her too. (I knew) and drank the sympathy... I grinned. I'll survive the night I thought I downed her shot of cuervo then begging her to tell me why and what she thought was art. "It's all about the skin," she smiled melting show of skeleton peeling back her lips she sighed offering her tongue too thin coated with a snowcap melt and participles dangled in the journey of her throat I lied saying, "yes, I see..." *ahem* as she lit another cig concentrating on the end wavering and knowing that red lights cap the whiskey musk smiling at me droopy eyed a piece of art, herself, exhaled... pieces patching art I failed and bought another round... [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (12-01-2004 04:15 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Snowflake From Hell Senior Member
since 2003-07-10
Posts 777My own little Icey Oblivion |
nice i like this one can you fly like a penguin |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
thanks snowflake  If there's a smilie with huge gonads, I think I deserve it for the audacity of the title alone. *chuckle* (picturing the visual, here) thanks for reading my wanderings  |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams |
hmmm. a very delightful read, as a matter of fact. i'll have to read more! |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Beautiful writing....very much like this one....~P |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
leaned to hear her prophecy as though were written in the drool of the ink of too much school hanging from her lip How do you do it? Take the reader right there alongside you. I swear I was there. Yer amazin M'lady  it's a keeper into this night i wonder, it's morning that i dread, another day of knowing of, the path i fear to tread. |
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scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
Much enjoyed. believe in what your heart feels... |
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kayjay Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015Oregon |
You draw a compelling picture of artist and neophyte trying to communicate. Well done. Ken Through rubble and trouble and dark of night |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"It's all about the skin," she smiled melting show of skeleton peeling back her lips she sighed offering her tongue too thin coated with a snowcap melt and participles dangled in the journey of her throat" Loved it! and Karen? you think you need to be given some gonads? your gonads are what attracted me to you in the first place...  "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" ~Sarah McLachlan~ |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Applause.....Bravo!, loved reading this; eyes eating down through the parfait swirls of its conversation... The final drop of chocolate in the ending, was delicious... ________ice ><> |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Excellent Ser..you amaze me lady~  |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
hmmm, this sorta reminds me of rebel's people pieces for some reason (and you know that's a good thing *s*)...so much insight, so sharp in texture.... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
laughing @ Susan--and why do I have this visual of a "hippity-hop" in my head? I'm so happy ya'll enjoyed this one. It's one that I wrote while chuckling, and that's always fun. Thanks for taking the time. I truly appreciate the comments. And sheesh, Susan.  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
she said to me, an elbow lean dropping ashes fusing scars puddling her circumstance, "'tender, please another shot" she waved her butt magnanimous "there are visions in the dust" she nodded swirling lashes in melds of gray elbow and that -- She exhaled and stabbed at it as though it were a long lost friend that whom had betrayed her too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ saying, "yes, I see..." *ahem* as she lit another cig concentrating on the end wavering and knowing that red lights cap the whiskey musk smiling at me droopy eyed a piece of art, herself, exhaled ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ you make art of ashtrays baby..... talk about poetic personification... puddling her circumstance she waved her butt magnanimous She exhaled and stabbed at it as though it were a long lost friend that whom had betrayed her too. I dont even smoke and I can taste and smell the nicotine |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
oh, yea....  |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
*much Beatnik-wannabe snapping of traumatized bifurcated digits* The images are vivid, revealing tawdry mundanity in contrast to the much maligned bar surface sneering with glass stained eyes and puckered cigarette burns. 'Feel my pain, feel my pain. I is art, youse is s'not.' Unheard, unheeded yet leaned heavily upon by drooling mavins eating their fingers by the glass. Make it two, make it three, just leave the bottle and another round for me. Heh, don't know how you do it, but you do. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*chuckle* Yet again, Alistair's reply is better than my poem. Thanks bro. And Jan-girlie? I confess this retired barfly misses the moments on occasion. So now I just make 'em up. Love to all. (and somebody? Hit D3 on the juke, will ya? Gawd I love Marvin Gaye... )yeah, what's goin' on...I tell you what's goin' on... (serenity exits, singin') |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I wish I could write like this |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(( hugs)) and I haven't forgotten I owe you an e-mail... this ma'am does what we talked about.. paints the image of common into something that is art.... well done ma'am... very well done... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
I agree with Ron...I usually do anyway...and Karen, YOU, are a piece of art!!  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*chuckle* why not? thanks to both of you |
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MGROVES
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802california |
enjoyed. i have missed all of you here and your words, insight, inspiration thanks |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
this is stunning this...you capture nuances that most people unconciously see but you examine and write it and that? is poetry thank you Aiwe |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
I've learned not to try to take the title and 'visualize' what art you may have beneath until after a read or two. You scare me a bit, y'know. But that's good Great write. Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
I was meaning to give this a bump when it finally faded from the front page... But? A poem this strong may linger here until next year. Yeah, THAT good! y'yeti |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
oh, but damn! I ALMOST missed this jewel! art pure art and then some layered with heart and understanding love the way you brushed this one across this blue canvas I can see her, drool and all  bowing to the artist |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(chuckling) like I told ya ma'am... like I told ya... |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
The last thing that I needed was a lack of any thing: yes *sigh* Karen? I have been gone too long. You have found that vinegar and ya drank it, didnt ya? *smile* |
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