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Open Poetry #33
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The Factory
| Open Poetry #33 |
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The Factory |
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Ringo 
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes 
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Sadness sits at the table As middle-aged men smoke their lunch Lost in their own thoughts Memories of glory days Rolling like marbles throught their minds Dreams, plans, and going-to-be's Weighing like a world on their shoulders reminding them of the disappointments Their lives had become While they work on their broken machines Remembering the good lives they lost Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again... |
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| © Copyright 2004 Bradly Stott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
Uh-huh |
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Jessie Carstein Junior Member
since 2004-01-08
Posts 41 |
this is an interesting idea, the 'broken machines' works but I feel this could be improved if you really made the connection between man and machine. The joints creaking like rusted bolts, their lives running as routine as conveyor belts, their personalities pre-produced by the machine. That sort of thing would really make it effective |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
 I feel the hoplesness of lives lost to the trap of the mundane.Susan Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Good write, Ringo. Yes. |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
What I love most about your work, my dear friend, is that,,I know where alot of it comes from,,,and,,I never cease to be amazed, at how you are able to take your tales,,,and put them to, well, "paper", for all to understand,,,this one, you can see,,, michelle To be held, is all I ask...... |
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C? Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 190 |
This is haunting. I love it |
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Copperbell Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956 |
I so often think about this, how we dream of how our life will turn out and in the end, how will it? Will I succeed? - some don't or the days of success are cut short by the unforeseen The thought keeps me focused on what I REALLY care about in life... enjoyed Ringo |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
wow. Quite the different style from you and I like very much! Good to read you again, m'friend! I enjoyed this'n alot.  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
ouch |
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