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Open Poetry #33
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| Open Poetry #33 |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana 
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Such delightful dreams Brought me from slumber The sun was shamed By the light of my smiles But all shine faded With the pierce of reality Like broken holiday ornaments Pieces of hope are swept into dustbin Such glittering promise Just sharp edges now Leaving drops of blood on fingers That forgot to handle with care Did you hear the forlorn echo As my brief flight ended In the dumpster’s belly? |
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| © Copyright 2004 suthern - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
oh I love this, what a metaphor....this verse just stops me cold...such power in your words lady Like broken holiday ornaments |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
suthern Agree with jellybean, good write. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Like broken holiday ornaments Pieces of hope are swept into dustbin Such glittering promise Just sharp edges now ~*~ hearing you...loud and clear. |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
The sun was shamed By the light of my smiles Absolutely love this. I was sorrowed to see to what you awoke.  SusanHappiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"Such delightful dreams Brought me from slumber The sun was shamed By the light of my smiles" ~ This made me happy for you! "Like broken holiday ornaments Pieces of hope are swept into dustbin Such glittering promise Just sharp edges now" ~ This made me sad for you! I prefer the happy part best! ~ but my goodness, I really appreciate your expressive writing! Loving hugs, EA [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (07-19-2004 04:11 PM).] |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Oh Ruth, I am tucking this one away in my library! Excellent. hugs, Chris Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
jellybeans: Thank you so much, my friend... for your comments AND your help... and most of all for that friend-schtuff! *S* Seymour: Thank you, dear friend... very much! *S* Sunshine: Thanks for listening. *S* Susan: Thank you so very much... Some days just remind us how little substance dreams have. *S* EA: You are so dear... and I appreciate your appreciation! *S* Pssssst... I like the happy part best, too. *S* Nightshade: It always shocks and honors me when someone saves something I write... I thank you so very much! *S* |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
SweetSuthernGal~ You pen thoughts that could NEVER end up in the 'garbage'~ This is wonderfully done, my friend~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Excellent write...so much enjoyed!! Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
metalic music and a hand clap slap lights on lights off you turn the page well ms enjoyed it |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Wish I was good at this comment thing...I always enjoy reading your words...always pack a punch... If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Like broken holiday ornaments Pieces of hope are swept into dustbin Such glittering promise Just sharp edges now Leaving drops of blood on fingers That forgot to handle with care ================================ piercing imagery and personifi Ruth-girlie... your pen took on a serrated point with this emotive, expressive write. Me thinks we need to get you a smiley face alarm clock   I would love to live as a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
You have such a touch, Laura....this is beautiful even though the subject makes me hurt for you. Can those dreams rise again? ....Yes. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
suthern, Your fine imagery makes me hurt. I can't think of any imagery more dramatic as broken Christmas decorations in their fragilty. I can picture and feel the drop of blood on my finger. Excellent write, leaving me thinking about the poetess behind it. I hope all goes well with her. misc'e |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
 Oh, this is so well written -- such a good analogy, suthern. I could just visualize the broken ornament and bleeding fingers. But the feel....oh, the feel, you put it all so well. ....jo |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
How come my 'garbage' never comes out this good?...Hmmm?... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
reality...*sigh* |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Outstanding! "cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind" |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Marge: Wanna bet??? LOL You should see my office! *G* Thank you so much, my friend! *S* Enchantress: I'm glad! *S* Thank you so much! *S* DS: Thank you, kind sir... very much. *S* Ceinwyn: I couldn't ask for more... thank you!!! *S* JM: I think I'd rather win the lottery and destroy ALL alarm clocks! LOL Thank you very much! *S* Ratleader: Your kind response means much to me, my friend... and yes... there's always hope. *S* miscellanea: My muse is going through a wallowing phase... punishment, I think, for my disobedience to her instructions! *S* Thank you so very much! iliana: Thank you very much... but oh... for numb. *S* Toerag: What garbage??? You're supposed to be returning those beer bottles and recycling those cans! *G* Thank you! PS: Yup... I wish it would lose my address. *S* Susan: Thank you so very much!!! *S* |
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