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Open Poetry #33
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Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast

0 posted 2004-07-15 08:49 AM



I always wanted to be
the smith and wesson
357 by eight inch
maybe nine
pressed against the back
of the bad guy
at the seven eleven
during a holdup
on a sunday night
caught on video tape
for the jurors to see later
when they say guilty
and laugh at how silly
he was for falling
for the top banana

or perhaps the other kind
sinfully peeled back
and artfully exposed
on purpose between
firm round temptations
to the tongue
of some vixen
with glassy eyes
and drooling lips
begging for the cream
to be smeared
on her cheeks
and unafraid to go public
with her craving
even though the calories
quoted by baskin robbins
are more than her salary
or measurements combined
with her weight
and IQ times nine

but instead I find
my manly macho mashed
and drizzled damply down
the kirk douglas dimple chin
of some poopsmell antic
with baby skin wrapper
in toothless gobble
then show it again sam'd
to the window cookie
and the high chair tray
with some other fluid
that is sticky stink
only babies can make
to mark their turf
with glisten prints
like a snail
with racing slicks

chiquita never told me
that gerber means hell


__________

Dark

© Copyright 2004 ©Dark 2k - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2004-07-15 09:04 AM


  so much to absorb~~~

M

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2004-07-15 09:06 AM


Dark
Some excellent phrasings, good write.

Kahlil
Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881

3 posted 2004-07-15 09:08 AM


D:  your offerings are always so....
appealing!
thanks a bunch,
~K~

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

4 posted 2004-07-15 10:07 AM


dreams do come true....

excellent excellent!

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
5 posted 2004-07-15 02:11 PM


I'm not very good at this critique thingy without fearing that I sound lame ..but I'm awed by the flow of you words...each time I read them...

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
6 posted 2004-07-15 03:37 PM


ms nudethinking..wink just a study in nanners...thanks for your lady eyes

___________

Sir Sy...humble thanks my friend.......fun to watch folks at the banana split line sometimes

_____________

MS Kahlil, bless you for your review of my 8 or 9 lines, thanks to you

__________

Leej Ms, thanks to you for putting up with the sticky mess I made here


_____________

Ceinwyn, ah shucks, relax and let your thoughts out to play...you smile me with your review and I thank you for that.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
7 posted 2004-07-15 06:20 PM


a master wordsmith, some of the best wiritng i've read onsite or in print
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
8 posted 2004-07-15 06:54 PM


DS

Very clever writing!  

rwood
Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793
Tennessee
9 posted 2004-07-15 06:57 PM


Hehe...Dirty Harry at the Baskin Robbins. What's your favorite flavor D? You're so genuine. Thanks for making me grab for the Mayfield and stay at homestyle.

Love,
Reg

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
10 posted 2004-07-15 06:59 PM


Heh heh..well done Dark.
Enjoyed watching.
Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain ~

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
11 posted 2004-07-15 07:01 PM


I had to grin when reading this-so much creativity in thought and word!  Wow!
                misc'e

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
12 posted 2004-07-15 07:10 PM


LOL, so funny on so many levels.
Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
13 posted 2004-07-15 07:18 PM


The creativity behind this is fantabulous!  What one can do with a banana.  May I share it with some friends of mine?

I'm a 357 2" 686 kind of girl myself, preferred, though I often visit the dark side with a Glock 17 9mm.  

Much enjoyed -- Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

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