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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2004-10-16 09:28 PM

Restlessness
captivity
a tin cup raking bars did I
mourn you in this passing
our likeness in a photograph
as the seeds of such
divide
earth from sun from sky -
it rains
sorrow through a plastic rage.

I hated them this legacy
of papers crumbled age.
I unearthed the depths of us

and inadverdantly

the truth

passed through fingers' ancient days
as I
exposed fragility
careless of the war we waged--

confetti in the wind.

I search your eyes for signs of you--
I search your eyes for signs of me--

What is this, this thing we've done,
and where the hell am I?

(I weep.)

Castles in the sky again
pissing on the innocent
drunken stumbling tumble dolls
and pick-up sticks are miscreants
forcing balance retrospect
laughing at the dreams we dreamt
chemically compounded sage
tottering precarious

here upon the stage.

C'mon love
let's take a bow--
no one gives a damn by now

yet we hunger for applause,
cookies for the Santa Claus
hopping Easter Bunny blues

where the hell were you?

I rage
knowing there was nothing left
but to plan our services.

Didn't we have fun?

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (10-16-2004 11:10 PM).]

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

1 posted 2004-10-16 09:51 PM

Nothing worse than a constant void m'friend, absolutely nothing!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-10-16 10:00 PM

I will tell you that I have thought along the same line of this

course, you probably already knew that

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

3 posted 2004-10-16 10:03 PM

Karen

There is always so much power and grit in your truth.....and that is to be admired!

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

4 posted 2004-10-16 10:12 PM

Strong and passionate Karen...
understood very well.
TD

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

5 posted 2004-10-16 10:24 PM

Deep write, Blaze.

Hard edged and thick,
hits like a 2x4.

coyote 8)

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2004-10-16 10:31 PM

Powerful, deep...and honest.
Love ya lady~

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

7 posted 2004-10-17 12:10 PM

Many colorful images are here, from the reference to prisoners banging prison bars with their metal drinking cups, to confetti from shredded paper. There was much allusion to the finding of old yellowed papers and cards, falling apart from age and rot (confetti) with meaningless verbiage against the span of time to the now. I got the distinct impression of the Speaker going through boxes in the attic, reading in disbelief at how much has changed, and how so much, unfortunately, has stayed the same, wadding up paper in a silent rage, hair containing pieces of shredded notes.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2004-10-17 12:23 PM

Alistair?

smile

you wrote the better poem in your astute reply.

thank you.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

9 posted 2004-10-17 01:23 AM

"C'mon love
let's take a bow--
no one gives a damn by now"

reaching through the screen
to give a hug

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

10 posted 2004-10-17 01:54 AM

This one hit me in the gut;.

Juju

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

11 posted 2004-10-17 01:55 AM

Ow.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

12 posted 2004-10-17 10:12 AM

It takes time to disseminate our truths...
it takes courage to display them.

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

13 posted 2004-10-17 11:24 AM

whew....

like needles and darts

but so goood...so goood

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

14 posted 2004-10-17 11:50 AM

awesome writer you are

kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

15 posted 2004-10-17 12:18 PM

Many thoughts tangle in this treatise
Bespeaking absence of another.
No soul cares to be alone
When the other is so needed.

You've strung a great series of scenes together. KJ

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

babygirlwlove
Senior Member

since 2004-10-10

Posts 1180
New York City

16 posted 2004-10-17 12:25 PM

"a tin cup raking bars did I
mourn you in this passing
our likeness in a photograph"

this is outstanding, serenity...

**babygirL**

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

17 posted 2004-10-17 12:41 PM

A cool write! (But not in the cold kinda way, ya know?)
Yes, very cool.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

18 posted 2004-10-17 12:52 PM

serenity,
It has the light of fires ash
Throw it in the trash.
You are a light within yourself
To me it shines all by itself

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

19 posted 2004-10-17 12:57 PM

When you tell it like it is, you really tell it like it is. You pull the reader into your world and hold them captive with your images and the transitions. One thought continuing to completion with all the side trails included. I think I will leave my footlocker locked and in the shed for a few more years.

Loved it.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

20 posted 2004-10-17 12:58 PM

Karen,
I say Sy is right. You leave me speechless. A task not easily accomplished!

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

21 posted 2004-10-17 05:30 PM

Yanno I tried to pick out some favourite lines, but I couldn't...because I love them all.

Striking and eye-catching work m'lady...as always.

Mxx

cuz fate is not just whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

~ani difranco~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

22 posted 2004-10-17 05:42 PM

shaking my head...if I could type this while lying down on a couch I would.

I have just been so pissed off lately.

sigh...

thanks for letting me vent folks

I shall try to behave.

tsk to me

thanks for reading, I love you all.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

23 posted 2004-10-17 11:06 PM

thank ya....

~~*~~
Read between the lines
look deep into each word
and you will understand the
depth of my soul (GE)
~~**~~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

24 posted 2004-10-17 11:07 PM

oh sweetie...not you too?

I'm sorry.

sigh

a kiss too

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

25 posted 2004-10-18 08:38 AM

and she whines she cannot write . . .

hmprrf!

*smile*

I search your eyes for signs of you--
I search your eyes for signs of me--

What is this, this thing we've done,
and where the hell am I?

(I weep.)

you taught me how NOT to write
not quite like this, maybe someday K

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