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Open Poetry #33

A Young Lady's Mind

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

0 posted 2004-10-01 01:21 PM

women walking as she
escapes the interfolds
of her mind the constant
touture of having a good time.

waiting for the bomb to drop
she slowly weeps into her
gloved hands. Gentlemen callers
at her door by the many.

But all are not good enough to
endure her mind spirit and strenght
A good time Charley was at the door last nite,
like this wasnt such a unfimiluar sight.

Wings of the sparrow lilly's in the garden
she retired's to her chambers for the night
and decides to purse her career of the fine arts. The Candle is blown out and the drapes are drawn.

I'm not sure what kind of poem this is or even if it is a poem. its something i just wrote on the spur and wanted some feedback. thanks guys

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....

ctowen
Member Elite

since 2001-10-18

Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT

1 posted 2004-10-01 02:23 PM

Like any precious gem, each can be found in the rough.
By re-reading your words and following the emotion, you can smooth the lines, sharpen the cut.
Before you know, a simple char of thought becomes a diamond in its own right ...

          ... I liked the body of your words here,
             needs a little bit of sparkle!

                           Good work    ct

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

2 posted 2004-10-01 03:08 PM

I liked a lot...shows the lady is content
and likes the company she keeps
smiles and hugs
Keep on penning

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2004-10-03 12:19 PM

Enjoyed....James

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