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Open Poetry #33
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E S West
Member
since 2004-08-31
Posts 116
California

0 posted 2004-09-27 01:42 PM




Sun
chasing moon gets lost in dark.
Moon chasing sun gets lost in light.
Light brings sweet song of skylark.
Dark brings coyotes lone remark.

Stars shine with crystalline delight.
Day's warm beams bring forth invite.
Sun chasing moon gets lost in dark.
Moon chasing sun gets lost in light.

Into life's journey we embark,
Treading the cycle where we might.
Some get nowhere, some leave their mark.
Some lost in dark, while some shine bright.
Sun chasing moon gets lost in dark.
Moon chasing sun gets lost in light.


"always be true to SELF, and follow your heart.."
" Ignorance is the root of all evil "

© Copyright 2004 Eric Shawn West - All Rights Reserved
DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

1 posted 2004-09-27 01:56 PM


Can I suggest your quality is above form

Write words that delight and leave the purists to dance on structure

Dave

E S West
Member
since 2004-08-31
Posts 116
California
2 posted 2004-09-27 02:07 PM


  one of the best replies I have ever gotten,  thank you sir...

I do like form and meter, it has definitely helped my writing, but I feel content, and writing to match what I feel at that time, and just writing something that feels right to me or maybe is a little different is what is important....and from all my reading of the masters and classical poetry, I find most often that they also stray from absolute strict form and meter,,, especially my favorite,,, "The Bells" by E A Poe..  
I do enjoy the fact that people here critique my work in all ways, I asked for it... and find it always useful, wether I choose to use it or not, and everyone here has been very thoughtful and well meaning when they offer their advice...

Thanks again Dave.... E S

"always be true to SELF, and follow your heart.."
" Ignorance is the root of all evil "

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

3 posted 2004-09-27 02:18 PM


I like the circle effect I experienced while reading...

I am new to writing as well, so hello and welcome to PIP

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

4 posted 2004-09-27 02:21 PM


I like the circle effect I experienced while reading...

I am new to writing as well, so hello and welcome to PIP

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2004-09-27 02:33 PM


Eric~
I think this is simply a wonderful piece of word-art~
To take the reader 'full-circle' takes quite the talent !
You've got it !
Delightful read this day~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

Susan
Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104
walking the surreal
6 posted 2004-09-27 02:45 PM


I love this cyclical feel and its presentation -

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you.  Joy is a state of mind.

E S West
Member
since 2004-08-31
Posts 116
California
7 posted 2004-09-27 03:03 PM


all your words are most appreciated..so.
glad you all enjoyed...the Rondel is one of my favorite french forms along with rondeaus and triolets, they are always fun to write, and to read, in my view...

                      E S West

                

"always be true to SELF, and follow your heart.."
" Ignorance is the root of all evil "

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
8 posted 2004-09-27 03:09 PM


LOL, with my pen name, am I in the dark, or the light, or in the dusk/dawn edges of shadowland that hangs in-between?
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
9 posted 2004-09-27 04:11 PM


To brave a piece of structure is a poet indeed.  I enjoyed this piece much, and one of the things I enjoyed most is that there is content which leaves an insight to something so common, that most give no thought or acknowledgement to.  I am glad I found this one.
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