»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #33
»
A New Dawn ( a Sestina )
| Open Poetry #33 |
|
A New Dawn ( a Sestina ) |
|
|
E S West Member
since 2004-08-31
Posts 116California |
I found the Sestina to be the most difficult form I have attempted, having started a few in the past without success, I finally completed this one..Though I seemed to have little control as it took on a mind of it's own..If anyone would like to attempt one, I would be glad to give you it's complicated form.... As dawn just breaks with hint of purple light, The cool, fresh air of morn brings dew's invite. Soon purple sky gives to crimson hues, Casting fire glow before day's deep blues. As night's creatures retire for the day, Others wake to greet the dawn their way. Way off, a loon's call echoes through the still. Light climbing over mountain, now does spill. Day has begun, fresh and clean and new. Invite of pine's scent gently wafting through. Blues mixed with greens, reflect off rushing stream. Hues of every color, paint all serene. Still climbing on to high, sun now warms all. Serene, peaceful, as birds voice out their call. Streams, clear, clean water invites those who thirst, Spill down their course, sometimes in frothy burst. Through forest deep and meadows green they go. New life they give the chance to live and grow. Burst forth in bloom, flowers carpet the field. All bright and bold, bees work to reap their yield. Go to the color, the bees know, to feed. Call of the wild, instinct, all creatures heed. Grow, thrive, multiply, life's cycle complete. Thirst to survive, or life ends in defeat. Defeat? Not an option, life must prevail. Field, stream, forest, meadow, we must not fail. Complete, life goes on. Undone, life ends. Yield to the warnings, we must make ammends. Heed the signs of our past, the wreck it's done. Feed our minds with awareness and we've won. Won will be the future of all mankind. Prevail in this effort, bring peace to mind. Done naught, what will our children have to face? Fail the land and we all face disgrace. Ammends can be done, its not yet too late. Ends can be met, don't leave it up to fate. Fate of our existence lies in your mind. Mankind must work as one, or end in disgrace. Late is the hour, our task we must face. "always be true to SELF, and follow your heart.." |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Eric Shawn West - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Oh my Eric...this is marvelous!! One day I shall have a try at one. Excellent write!! Hugs~ ~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~ |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Fate of our existence lies in your mind. wonderful writing..I love the Sestina..haven't done one in awhile  M |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice writing...James |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
a good piece...maybe one day when I have more time and patience, I could attempt one... |
||
|
ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Bravo. You did a great job with this, both in presentation and content. TD |
||
|
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
anybody with the patience and guts to write one of these deserves a bump and admiration  i'm still recovering from mine |
||
|
E S West Member
since 2004-08-31
Posts 116California |
thanks to you all.... I must admit, having tried this before and failing, this time it almost seemed to write itself.... hope to see some examples from others, as there seem to be few to be found anywhere... E S West "always be true to SELF, and follow your heart.." |
||
|
DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
This has to be one of the best poems I have ever read. I feel privileged to have read it. dave |
||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
This is a beautiful poem, indeed. However, this does not qualify as a sestina. In a sestina there is a repetition of the end words throughout the poem, though changing in order. This is one of the reason few sestinas rhyme. In a traditional 39 line Sestina: The lines are grouped into six sestets and a concluding tercet. The six words that end each of the lines of the first stanza are repeated as the end words in each of the subsequent five stanzas, in a pattern known as "lexical repetition." The first line of each sestet after the first ends with the same word as the one that ended the last line of the sestet before it. The pattern of word-repetition is as follows, where the words that end the lines of the first sestet are represented by the numbers "1 2 3 4 5 6": 1 2 3 4 5 6 - End words of lines in first sestet. 6 1 5 2 4 3 - End words of lines in second sestet. 3 6 4 1 2 5 - End words of lines in third sestet. 5 3 2 6 1 4 - End words of lines in fourth sestet. 4 5 1 3 6 2 - End words of lines in fifth sestet. 2 4 6 5 3 1 - End words of lines in sixth sestet. (6 2) (1 4) (5 3) - Middle and end words of lines in tercet. In the closing tercet, each of the six words are used, with one in the middle of each line and one at the end. By the way, I was well into the reading of this before it hit me that it wasn't a sestina. That was simply because I realized that this has none of the redundancy I usually find in them. You definitely have a resolute poetic quality about your work. I hope you will endeavor to try a sestina, and maybe even a rhyming one. Michael |
||
|
Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
E S West, I enjoyed your poem, but it isn't any of the forms of sestina I was ever taught. It looks like you're using your ending words for beginnings, which is intriguing. I've written three sestinas and none of them were deathless verse, because of the repetition requirement. I like this. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
||
|
LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Bravo, very much enjoyed  |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
E S West, A literate and delightful read. |
||
|
E S West Member
since 2004-08-31
Posts 116California |
Thank you all for your replies... and Thank you Michael and Nan for pointing out what was not so much my error, but that I was given false information from a would be poet on line who has a poetry workshop. I won't mention his name, but I felt he was a misleading type person in more than a couple ways.... to quote him from a printout from his site, "The second stanza is made by taking the the six words that were used to end the last six lines and using them in a certain order: the last words used will now start the lines of the second stanza; faebdc and so on with the rest of the stazas, except the last....." Also I thought it strange there was no example of a sestina either, I having never ran across any example of one was trusting to his guidelines, but enough of that, it is past and done, and I can now look forward to a renewed challenge to my writing abilities...thank you so much for your honesty in bringing all to my attention...and hopefully soon I will offer up a true and hopefully quality Sestina,,,, *in note.. I still enjoyed writing the bogus one and maybe I have accidently begun a new form....lol Thanks again to all who read my words and for everyones kind, supportive, and instructive help...it is much appreciated and you all have made feel so very welcome here at Passions... E S West "always be true to SELF, and follow your heart.." |
||
|
DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
ES If you have the full specification for the Sestina or if someone else has an agreed version I will, if I can understand the instructions attempt it. I still thought your writing was excellent no matter what it was supposed to be Dave |
||
|
E S West Member
since 2004-08-31
Posts 116California |
I believe Michael, (above) has explained and laid out the pattern as well as I have seen, for sure much better than my previous instructions....I know of nothing I could add to help... maybe this would be a good challenge to all......I am definitely going to be penning what I hope is a true Sestina very soon...glad to have you along in what should be a good learning experience... good luck..... E S "always be true to SELF, and follow your heart.." |
||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Dave, There are some sestinas in the poetry workshop forum I believe if you feel like rummaging through there -- and even a couple of double sestinas which make for much happier rhyme lovers I will take the liberty of linking one of Linda's for you:/pip/Forum22/HTML/000075.html ES, I would agree with you on the invention of a new form -- very challenging to write a poem as you have here. You are a very talented writer, glad to have you with us here at Passions. |
||
|
DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
ES If without the technobable you find what you are looking for, let me know Dave |
||
|
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
"A new Dawn" is a very beautiful write, independently of its form. The rules of a sestina are a real challenge! .... this takes time! Love, Margherita |
||
|
Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Very beautiful Eric, Sestina or not! Well done poetic verse. The greatest beauty on earth, is |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
