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Open Poetry #33
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Bombs Over Baghdad
| Open Poetry #33 |
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Bombs Over Baghdad |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC 
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9/11/04 Bombs over Baghdad War in Iraq Once they've done their liberating You still won't have it back We want what's in the ground Blood will spill for Texas Tea Our Cowboy President has found A way to pump his gas for free This was done for greater good But expect to be repaid We'll take it by the barrell And we're not to be delayed Burn your fields and break your pumps We'll still leave our impression 51% of stock Is now in our possession We own you now forever - And you'll still be in our debt You'll get your country back Long as we keep getting checks There are families down in Texas That are sitting much more plush Living off the royalties Of the beatings 'round the Bush "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jon - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
sad to say, this reads much too close to the truth |
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froggy Senior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 1893Michigan |
Wonderfully said keoni. :-) |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Thanx for the replies! Don't want to offend anyone, but I had to speak out on the alterior motives of Bush. "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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froggy Senior Member
since 2003-06-23
Posts 1893Michigan |
keoni, I'm with you 100% here. :-) Hugs Within this heart you'll find love |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice writing...The methods may be in question...but in truth we have created a society that is dependent on oil...in Hawaii they are going to start putting ten percent ethonal into the gasoline...they can refine it from sugar cane and other products...I don't think I spelled that right...James |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
keoni, the poem has no rhythm. The syllable counts are off, the meter is erratic and the accents on the syllables are misplaced. Also debt-checks and plush-Bush are mediocre rhymes. Since you want critiques I am offering this. Work on the syllable counts per line, which is a good first step in developing meter. Then, when you put the accented syllables in the right place, the lines will read well with a smooth rhythm... good luck |
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