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Kellsue
Member

since 2000-05-06

Posts 210
Waukesha, WI USA

0 posted 2004-07-11 05:25 PM

Ok everyone...it's been quite some time since I've picked up my "pen" again and written a poem. Here is one I wrote just now...please give your honest opinion. Does it make any sense to you at all? How do you interpret it? Also, I'm trying to decide if maybe I can come up with a better title...suggestions? I'm wondering if I am getting my point across at all and whether or not I should share it with the person who it is actually about!

I gotta get back in the swing of things here...it's been tooo long!

Not Just You, But Me

Why do you run and hide
Behind those unsure eyes
I see the glass wall you choose to build
Analyzing every thought, your head so filled

Slow down and just breathe
Challenge each moment, instead of reprieve
Waiting to live, until life is no more
Isn’t what this life was intended for

A world in which, you only see you
Is just that, a world of one - never two
I’d share had you once, shown any interest
I strive to know you, learning in earnest

At times you lower the window to your heart
Letting me in a little, at least that’s a start
If only the glass with your fist you did break
This new chance in life, together we’d take

It’s not all or nothing, so until you decide
I wait patiently, my soul open wide
For you to take time to see the real me
Or until someone else slips in with the key

Kelly

You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving
There is no danger of developing eye-strain from looking on the bright side of things

[This message has been edited by Kellsue (07-11-2004 06:19 PM).]

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

1 posted 2004-07-11 06:09 PM

KellSue~

'Why do you run and hide
Behind those unsure eyes'

LOVE your opener ... enjoy seeing you here on the blue boards~

(Psst ... I'm definitely not a critiquer ... I only know that one's heart usually spills the nicest ink~ ... yours did !)
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

noles1@totcon.com

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

2 posted 2004-07-11 06:31 PM

In reading this, I had a sense of one who has closed themselves off from the risk of allowing others in? By the glass wall, does this mean he/she allows you to see their soul but not have access to it? And by the last line, does this reference that someone else might slip in with the key to your heart or theirs?

I also felt a longing that you desire to develop a deep relationship with this person and will wait for them to realize this.

Though I love poetry and am passionate about it, I am not always the best at interpretation of poetry, sometimes I miss the mark. I'm simple that way, I guess. But I hope my thoughts are of benefit to you.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Kellsue
Member

since 2000-05-06

Posts 210
Waukesha, WI USA

3 posted 2004-07-11 08:38 PM

Thanks Marge..it's good to be back!

Susan - you interpreted it almost to a T! Thank you for taking the time to read and reply!

I'm anxious to see how others interpret!

Kelly

You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving
There is no danger of developing eye-strain from looking on the bright side of things

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2004-07-12 04:42 AM

I've never been one for formal critique but I'll say that I liked this and yes you should share it with the person it's for

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