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Open Poetry #33

Illuminating Silence

Robert Frazier
Senior Member

since 2003-02-06

Posts 1014

0 posted 2004-09-16 06:56 PM

I long for silence
where thoughts root
between cluttered memories
of another day
and strums of nothingness
resonate like symphonies
'till carry away
on swells of pleasure
life's debris

sim0riah
Member

since 2004-09-07

Posts 253
Wyoming USA

1 posted 2004-09-16 07:13 PM

I love silence..very nice

sim0riah

Only at night you can see the depth of the sun

Sim0riah

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2004-09-16 09:13 PM

Robert, your critique message says "no constraints...

the only changes I would make are fairly grammatical in nature...

I long for silence
where thoughts root
between cluttered memories
of another day
and strums of nothingness [add comma]
resonate like symphonies

               all very good!

'till carry away [change to "carried"]
on swells of pleasure
life's debris    [add in front of line, "this"]

I enjoy brevity...perhaps others will have some suggestions as well.

Overall, a poem to ponder!  Thank you!

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

3 posted 2004-09-16 09:57 PM

Hello Robert

I really loved this one.

Take care........Sue

I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I'm anchored in you
- Shawn Mullins

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

4 posted 2004-09-17 12:35 PM

Like a lot! Well versed - Sunshine has some good comments too.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Robert Frazier
Senior Member

since 2003-02-06

Posts 1014

5 posted 2004-09-20 02:52 PM

thanks sunshine! just getting back to my "electronic world" and see you've left me an assignment! lol!

Rf

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