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froggy
Senior Member

since 2003-06-23

Posts 1893
Michigan

0 posted 2004-09-14 01:33 AM

Barstool... the queen all made up,
sitting pretty.
Wedding ring hidden.
Smell of stale cigarette,
cheap perfume fills the air.

Pool shark takes his final shot,
drops the ball in the corner pocket.
Black Velvet plays on the jukebox.

He walks in, strolls up to the bar,
with a smile of seduction
she offers to buy him a drink.

Barstool...the queen all made up,
sitting pretty.
Wedding ring hidden.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2004-09-14 01:36 AM

ouch

froggy
Senior Member

since 2003-06-23

Posts 1893
Michigan

2 posted 2004-09-14 01:44 AM

Thank-you passing shadow

:-)

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

3 posted 2004-09-14 07:42 AM

Froggy
This is a scene that is repeated often and mostly with ill results..
I like how you don't pass judgement, your words just just flowing with the events and describing the scents and feeling of what is going on..

----------ice/ford
><>

Come read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling
And banish the thoughts of day.
Longfellow

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

4 posted 2004-09-14 07:48 AM

froggy,
If that doesn't set the scene for imagination! Ford is right, you write without passing judgement.
Enjoyed.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

5 posted 2004-09-14 11:52 AM

I have seen this very scene happen many times, you describe it well. well done.

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

6 posted 2004-09-14 12:07 PM

Nice one.

Words to sing.

dave

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

7 posted 2004-09-14 03:00 PM

Well expressed, I could see the scene, sense the mood.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

8 posted 2004-09-14 03:15 PM

This is a wonderful mood piece. I could see it clearly.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

9 posted 2004-09-14 04:02 PM

the topic of many a song - the way you have presented this made me think about her; why is she there, what brought her to this place in her life...

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

10 posted 2004-09-15 12:49 PM

Enjoyed...James

froggy
Senior Member

since 2003-06-23

Posts 1893
Michigan

11 posted 2004-09-15 02:02 AM

Thank-you Ford for the wonderful comment.
I try not to pass judgement on people. :-)

Thank-you Miscellanea for the comment. I try to write certain pieces to so the reader
can see the scene which I speak of. :-)

Thank-you Gentle Spirit for the comment. Think a lot of people have seen this scene played out.:-)

Thank-you Dave for the comment.Missed reading you,will reply soon to your last mail. :-)

Thank-you Susan for the comment. You always say the nicest things. :-)

Thank-you Pilgrimage for the comment.I'm glad I was able to get the image across to the reader.:-)

Thank-you cooperbell for the comment. For the Queen I don't know what happened to her.
Something to ponder I guess. :-)

Thank-you JamesMichael for the comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :-)

I thank-you all for the wonderful comments.

:-)

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