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msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

0 posted 2004-08-26 08:46 PM

I knew him when he walked me home from school
and every other girl thought he was cool
We said we'd have a song that we would share.
and he put ruby ribbons in my hair

He knew me underneath a cherry moon
that sang the songs we cried one afternoon
I gave him all those parts of me I saved
and he gave me his ring, my name engraved

I knew him when he went away to war
so scared I'd never see him anymore
the doorbell rang, an officer stood tall
and told me one I knew, had gave his all

I know him, roses laid across his stone
but somehow I don't feel so all alone
for every time I hold our little boy--
the two of us reflect his constant joy.

(revision)

[This message has been edited by msflame (08-26-2004 10:14 PM).]

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

1 posted 2004-08-26 09:58 PM

What happened to him? Did he return? Or is his return awaited?

I like the feel and texture of this write, but I am left wondering -- one could surmise several different things.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

2 posted 2004-08-26 09:59 PM

I think I need to revise this

Thanks for reading. Maybe its not finished. Poor guy

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2004-08-26 11:25 PM

sad, touching write....done very well

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2004-08-27 02:55 AM

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

5 posted 2004-08-27 07:54 AM

Very sad and touching write

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

6 posted 2004-08-27 08:21 AM

nice way to make a man
immortal

enjoyed this much

msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

7 posted 2004-08-27 08:45 AM

*S* Thanks all. Glad you liked.

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

8 posted 2004-08-27 03:02 PM

Oh yes, this completes it beautifully --
how loving.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

9 posted 2004-08-27 03:58 PM

Yes, it does doesn't it, Susan? Thanks hon, it really didn't read right before I added taht one strophe

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

10 posted 2004-08-28 02:31 AM

This is a precious poem. Thanks for sharing it with us.

msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

11 posted 2004-08-28 07:59 AM

and thank you for reading

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

12 posted 2004-08-28 07:29 PM

enjoyed

msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

13 posted 2004-08-28 08:43 PM

Thank you, that's very sweet of you.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

14 posted 2004-09-30 12:57 PM

Nice writing...James

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