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Open Poetry #33
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Demoting The Days
| Open Poetry #33 |
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Demoting The Days |
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Kazm Member
since 2003-11-13
Posts 99 |
Demoting The Days Sun chevrons pinned on the shoulder of morning; this dawn will outrank the evening it follows, each of them high above my private darkness. How can the sky brighten as if there were a reason? How can dawn unfold the bright shirt of day, slip it over the heads of buildings and trees and tuck the tails of it into the still gray sea? How can day stand there at attention, calmly waiting? I want to drum out this day, send it limping away. It is demoted already; if I won't see your smile today will march past behind the other days, a parade without a holiday, soldiers in a uniform display with no purpose at all. Kaz |
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| © Copyright 2004 Kaz Murakami - All Rights Reserved | |||
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Kaz! Good to see you again! Also good to see that your poetry hasn't suffered at all while you've been gone....this most excellent in conception and delivery both. Well done, my friend....come back soon. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Very nice imagery! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Sun chevrons pinned on the shoulder of morning; this dawn will outrank the evening it follows, each of them high above my private darkness. I had to stop and reread these lines before I could continue... they're that vivid... I wish I could write like this! *S* It is demoted already; if I won't see your smile I know this feeling so well... what a perfect image! *S* This is excellent! *S* You've been missed... such talent always is. *S* |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
How can dawn unfold the bright shirt of day, slip it over the heads of buildings and trees and tuck the tails of it into the still gray sea? How can day stand there at attention, calmly waiting? I want to drum out this day, send it limping away. Kaz, every single word was music to the mind but I had to pick this one that leans specially my way....b/c of the gray sea...I suppose, but honestly, I am speechless at the talent in PIP, and you are an amazing part of the neighborhood. Dreamy writing |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
loved the read thanks for sharing |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
enjoyed this imagery rocks! |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
Wow, every line offers new images and ideas. I love it! I definitely need to look out for your work here... Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
This poem worth a stratospheric bounce -- up it goes! Now go write another one, eh? You're too good to arrive only in dribs and drabs. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Great anaology, Kazm, great write.  ...jo |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Well done, a ton of metaphors and imagery. Makes one want to say IWIHWT.... |
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aujussy wolf
since 2003-08-09
Posts 1215Michigan |
How can dawn unfold the bright shirt of day, slip it over the heads of buildings and trees and tuck the tails of it into the still gray sea? .... love the images ...and the words very cool ~w |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I agree with Ratleader... *S* I wish you posted more often... what a treat is is when you do! *S* |
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