untitled - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

0 posted 2004-08-11 09:24 PM

Okay, stepping out of my everyman shoes and slippin' on the Italian leather -- tell me, does it work?

I cannot speak ill of the dead
Be they walking about
In thousand dollar suits
And veneered white smiles
Faux figures waxed and slimmed
Eyes polished marble
Veins running in shades of green
As quickened steps rush
Heading to nowhere
Power stepping power trip
Struttin’ superiority
Knowing they’re going somewhere
When all the same
They merely pace their graves

s.a.t.

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

1 posted 2004-08-11 09:42 PM

The tombstone two-step? It really is that
way for people like that....glad I don't
have one of their suits to wear...sheesh!

You are fantastic on metaphors....knowing
what just the right words are to describe
a scene or a feeling or action.

Well done ..

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

2 posted 2004-08-11 09:59 PM

"Knowing they’re going somewhere
When all the same
They merely pace their graves"

Wowee Wow Wow -- great job. You are a very versatile writer, Susan!

...jo

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

3 posted 2004-08-12 05:25 AM

another WOW!!!!!

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

4 posted 2004-08-12 05:38 AM

Every single line bears repeating! You have done a very fine job of describing the walking dead! Your talent is showing!

Loves 'n hugs,

Linda

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

5 posted 2004-08-12 08:05 AM

yes, so true, and the same who actually believe that meeting someone new will save them, bring them happiness...I so hate it when someone says...You gave me life...or...let me take away your pain...or he/she is my knight in shining armor...no one can meet those expectations, cept self...and if you don't alreays possess happiness, then you will never be able to receive it...

Very good write/right Susan

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

6 posted 2004-08-12 08:10 AM

I adore the metaphors in this Susan,
as to titles...
that's my weakest point, so I won't even offer an idea!

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

7 posted 2004-08-12 08:54 AM

I got this here leather jacket
and a angel's crest
hanging round my neck
and a black dog hawg
that goes faster than a greasy bullet

and you think them pinko boys are powerful
well shucks lil girl..hehe

kewlest stuff ms...enjoyed it large

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

8 posted 2004-08-12 09:32 AM

Dear Ms. Sue.....alot of thought went into this..unlike my stuff.....well done..

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

9 posted 2004-08-12 10:04 AM

Susan~

a lot of differents thougths ran through my head with this one....yes it works! very wonderfully!

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone though you're still with me
I've been alone all along..Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

10 posted 2004-08-12 10:13 AM

Oh, this is most encouraging -- thank you all so for your feedback.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

11 posted 2004-08-12 12:57 PM

awesome piece! ya dun good

Bonnie j
Senior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 1588
Ohio

12 posted 2004-08-12 01:05 PM

I think I have a brain cramp.I liked the poem. The usage of thought. I hate it when I can't think of an appropriate reply.Just letting you know I read and liked.
Hugs loaded with love.
BonBon

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

13 posted 2004-08-12 02:07 PM

absoutly wonderful write

Pimpin and panderin, on a level you can't serve, dismantle, nouns, pronouns, adverbs, and verbs

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

14 posted 2004-08-12 02:17 PM

Thanks friends, I appreciate the feedback and the encouragement -- it means a lot.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.