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elfine
Junior Member

since 2004-06-08

Posts 35
traveling

0 posted 2004-08-03 10:46 PM

I.
you turn
away from me,
heavy-lidded,
     letting your
          closed
               eyes
                    shut
out my questions, my
insistent
relentless
anxiety.
you dream yourself
                  a bubble,
silent
          adrift
in a calm, steady river
unrocked
by my white-capped thoughts.
eyes wide open,
I hate you for this:
for leaving me
to cast about in uncertainty
as if you had no stake
in the direction of the wind.

II.
you turn
towards me, shifting
      slightly in the dimness:
i trace
the contours of your face
with my eyes.
i slip
in next to you,
and you draw me into
your warm, steady breath:
a calm, if silent
raft
on this uncertain river.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

1 posted 2004-08-03 10:50 PM

Elfine! This is el fine (meaning good not the end...hehehe)! Wonderful, wonderful poems. I liked both parts, but especially liked the two together!

....jo

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2004-08-03 11:05 PM

elfine

a very sensitive scene done in two seperate emotive ways. Much enjoyed!

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2004-08-04 12:29 PM

Nice writing...James

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2004-08-04 04:39 AM

thanks for sharing the journey

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

5 posted 2004-08-04 04:44 AM

very nice

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2004-08-04 08:41 AM

you dream yourself
a bubble,
silent
adrift
in a calm, steady river
unrocked

~*~

Got some good imagery going on here...

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

7 posted 2004-08-04 09:28 AM

I t h i n k I h a v e a n e w f a v o r i t e . . .

You've got class, and an excellent eye for what makes a poem move -- great stuff here!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

8 posted 2004-08-04 12:15 PM

Oh this is very nice!!

I enjoyed!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Contabo
Member

since 2001-11-21

Posts 159

9 posted 2004-08-04 03:04 PM

I enjoyed reading this.

Contabo

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2004-08-04 11:49 PM

I'm with the leader of the Rats!

I'll certainly be looking for your offerings in the future and I am very glad I didn't miss this one.

Bravo (Brava?)

sheesh

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