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summer
Member

since 1999-11-23

Posts 80
long beach .ca.usa

0 posted 1999-11-23 02:49 AM

I have felt hand before probing me like you would touch a manican. Ive felt lips of hate trying to devoure me. Hands trying to squeeze the life from me.But you have the key, the key to a box I didnt know existed I wait pateintly for you to open it over and over again. The mere sight of you sends my mind aflight.You consume me with passion instead of empty heat.My legs tremble not only from extreem extacy but fear of my own overwhelming pleasure .. Damn this **** cant be right or did I just accept it wouldnt happen for me. I now know better.. Please dont touch me unless you feel me..

[This message has been edited by summer (edited 11-23-1999).]

Thaddeus
Member

since 1999-11-16

Posts 78
MA

1 posted 1999-11-23 03:18 AM

I love your ending line. You build up to it so well, you describe a forshadowing of promise wonderful enough to fear, a promise that if ventured and not fulfilled, it would crush you, but if fulfilled, sweet bliss. hmmmmmm. I like it.

PS What's a manica? Inquiring minds from the northeast would like to know.

[This message has been edited by Thaddeus (edited 11-23-1999).]

starboards
Member

since 1999-10-14

Posts 467
longwood, florida

2 posted 1999-11-23 10:26 AM

I like this one alot...just because it's different and there is alot of feeling behind it...good work my friend!

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"If you love something let it go...if it comes back to you it is yours...if it doesnt then it never was"

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

3 posted 1999-11-23 05:34 PM

Welcome Summer

Enjoyed this, it was so different..

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The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there IS to celebrate.
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

4 posted 1999-11-23 07:27 PM

Love the last line, summer. Says so much all by itself.

michael

JOY 14
Senior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

5 posted 1999-11-27 10:11 PM

I agree with Michael. The last line says a lot all by itself. In fact, I'd say it says it all.

danni
Senior Member

since 1999-11-20

Posts 688
wisconsin

6 posted 1999-11-28 01:16 AM

I can connect to this all to well. Nice job.
I also agree with everyone about your closing line.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

7 posted 1999-11-29 11:35 AM

"As you would touch a mannequin" excellent line. . .

Excellent use of images. . . you have found your pain. . . what now?

Sven

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That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl

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