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Dark Poetry #1
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unlike no other
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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unlike no other |
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crimson New Member
since 1999-11-01
Posts 1Glendale,AZ,USA |
My own death would be a release from this pain It's lke no other that I have ever felt my entire life Out of all the green-eyed monsters fate has granted me the largest Nothing on earth, heaven, or hell can dull this anguishing feeling that cuts and burns away of what is left of my heart There is nothing left in my soul, mind,heart and spirit Nothing but the feelings that remain for her Now I can truly say I AM DEAD |
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| © Copyright 1999 crimson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
I know what that death is like... You might want to fix a couple of typos if you are so inclined  Jenny [This message has been edited by JennyLee (edited 11-02-1999).] |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
the title of this poem does not correspond with the poem. your death is like no other, not unlike no other. there is alos a couple of lines that contradict themselves. "that cuts and burns away of what is left of my heart There is nothing left in my soul mind, heart and spirit." okay, first of all, the first line is wordy. try extracting the word "of". also, you say there is little left of your heart, and then that there is nothing. it contradicts itself. otherwise, i found this poem to be pretty well-written. i could empathize with your feelings on this, as i'm sure most could. overall, it was a good poem. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Well, I'm not sure if you're dead...but I feel the same sometimes. Good work. Michael |
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Enjoyed the read. ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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