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just_another_fe
Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483
MICHIGAN

0 posted 2000-04-02 04:01 PM


It's a one way love
thses lines are true
and it hurts so bad
because I gave my heart to you.
Why did I think
we could be one instead of two
What was I thinking
when I said I could get you
I knew in my head
me and you would never be
I wanted to give up
but my heart wouldn't let me.
I tried letting go
but instead more in love i fell
I feel like on me
someone has cast an evil spell.
I look for ways
but all that I see
is being together for us
will never be.
So if you agree with what I say
that you and me will never be
Can you do me just one favor
can you give my heart back to me?

© Copyright 2000 Angie - All Rights Reserved
Malcolm Coleman
Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 24
United Kingdom
1 posted 2000-04-02 04:41 PM


Good poem, You certainly get your feelings across to the reader.

It flows nicely, and is easy to read, except for the following part:

"I tried letting go
but instead more in love i fell
I feel like on me
someone has cast an evil spell."

I suggest something like:

I tried letting go
as into love I fell
But I feel that I am under
Some evil "love you" spell

Or something along those lines.

Great poem, well done
Malcolm Coleman



 ** It seems I've waited years for this day to end. - Ronan Harris

Thanks for reading, hope you're still awake.

just_another_fe
Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483
MICHIGAN
2 posted 2000-04-02 04:57 PM


Your right Malcolm....that does sound better i think i just might have to change that   Thanx
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
3 posted 2000-04-02 05:42 PM


Cool poem..I tried that trick and it won't work..usually the other person is so selfish and unsensitive and hung up on themselves and they are collecting other peoples hearts and depositing them in a secret place.  They will only release them after they fall in love and the other person breaks their heart..then they can understand the feelings.  James
just_another_fe
Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483
MICHIGAN
4 posted 2000-04-03 09:37 PM


Thanx James   I hope that happens soon but i dont see it comin yet
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