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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Dark Poetry #1 |
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One way love |
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN 
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It's a one way love thses lines are true and it hurts so bad because I gave my heart to you. Why did I think we could be one instead of two What was I thinking when I said I could get you I knew in my head me and you would never be I wanted to give up but my heart wouldn't let me. I tried letting go but instead more in love i fell I feel like on me someone has cast an evil spell. I look for ways but all that I see is being together for us will never be. So if you agree with what I say that you and me will never be Can you do me just one favor can you give my heart back to me? |
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| © Copyright 2000 Angie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Malcolm Coleman Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 24United Kingdom |
Good poem, You certainly get your feelings across to the reader. It flows nicely, and is easy to read, except for the following part: "I tried letting go but instead more in love i fell I feel like on me someone has cast an evil spell." I suggest something like: I tried letting go as into love I fell But I feel that I am under Some evil "love you" spell Or something along those lines. Great poem, well done Malcolm Coleman ** It seems I've waited years for this day to end. - Ronan Harris Thanks for reading, hope you're still awake. |
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN |
Your right Malcolm....that does sound better i think i just might have to change that  Thanx |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Cool poem..I tried that trick and it won't work..usually the other person is so selfish and unsensitive and hung up on themselves and they are collecting other peoples hearts and depositing them in a secret place. They will only release them after they fall in love and the other person breaks their heart..then they can understand the feelings. James |
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN |
Thanx James I hope that happens soon but i dont see it comin yet |
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