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5:2-8
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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5:2-8 |
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Aiden Kelly Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 148Ft. Wayne, IN USA |
Alright, I know you're thinking "numbers?". well, this piece is actually from a series of poems i've written called THE HIDDEN SONGS OF SOLOMON. So, the title of this piece is the verse number. i've included the verse at the end. the verse is supposed to reiterate the poem's message or add more insight. this particular piece is adapted from a dream i had. don't worry, it's not religious!  ~5:2-8~ I dreamed I died And you were there When I said goodbye -- I gave you my ring, my promise of purity, Our tears entwined And I said goodbye -- I told you I loved you you held me tight and kissed my pain away -- You said goodbye -- but did you say "I love you"? The lights dimmed And I saw you no more, But did you say "I love you"? I never heard the words my poor heart needed so, And now I call to you from heaven above -- I heard you say goodbye, I saw the tears in your eyes, I felt your heart beat with mine -- But did you say you loved me? Do you love me? **Song of Solomon 5:2-8 I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: "Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night." I have taken off my robe-- must I put it on again? I have washed my feet-- must I soil them again? My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh, on the handles of the lock. I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. They beat me, they bruised me; they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls! O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you-- if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Aiden Kelly - All Rights Reserved | |||
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StarryEyed Junior Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 20Florida |
Hey i really liked your interpretation of that verse. Saying the words I love You is really hard, and you shouldnt say it unless your truly mean it. But if you do love that person your shouldnt hesitate to say so before they are gone. I cant wait to read more of your poems! Unspoken love is the loudest of all |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I gave you my ring, my promise of purity, Our tears entwined And I said goodbye -- I told you I loved you you held me tight and kissed my pain away -- ------------------- HELLO there...(smile)...you had me going for a sec...thought I had followed you into SP  this is great...how creative of you...I'll have to try this sometime...maybe with a favorite song lyric or classic poem. SEE...now YOU inspired me... as always...thanks Aiden take care, jm and you can say baby... baby can I hold you tonight maybe if told you the right words... at the right time, you'd be mine... baby can I hold you tonight... tracy chapman |
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Jannel Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492Muncie, IN, USA |
very beautiful, and the last line completes your work perfectly. this is a great idea, basing one on the other. and i loved the line about tears intertwined. simply lovely, my dear. Dont wake the dead, Wake the dying, Don't change what you've said, Change what you're saying. |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
Aiden Kelly- this was beautiful and I think I'm going to follow your example too probably with song lyrics as Janet suggested great work !!!! "A poet is one who spends a lifetime standing out in thunderstorms, waiting to be hit by lightning" ~Randal Jarrell~ |
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Aiden Kelly Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 148Ft. Wayne, IN USA |
THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THE LOVELY COMMENTS!!! StarryEyed: thanks for the encouraging words! yes, i love you is hard to say. but then i'm as much at fault as the one to whom this poem is dedicated. but soon the time will be right and all will be said! jm: thanks as always, sweetie! i was wondering if people would think this was religious! (note the disclaimer in the intro!) glad to be someone's inspiration! jannel: thanks jann! i'm partial to the tears entwined part myself! starr: thanks, shan! now i've inspired TWO people! what more could a girl ask for in life! |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Beautiful Aiden...this one really touched me because of how I relate to it in a way and I just as they have already said...very creative of you to write your poem this way. I love it! Yours truly, Angel "The dark weight of the hour humming madly filling my head with blood and sorrow and dread the executioner's song." -Jewel "The Dark Bells" ~*Angel of Darkness*~ |
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dhuron Member
since 2000-03-19
Posts 476 |
Aiden, Wonderful translation. Those three words...so powerful yet often overlooked and forgotten.... Great Job! Daniel |
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~Venus~ Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 128 |
This was so beautiful. It was really touching and didn't seem religious at all. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with all us here at DarkPassions. ~goddess of love, passion, and desire~ I'll be here...why? I'll be waiting...for what? 'll be waiting for you so...if you come here, you'll find me... I promise. |
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Broken Member
since 2000-03-12
Posts 271The woods |
I love you. It`s such a powerful poem, and the feelings are so familiar. And I agree with StarryEyed, you shouldn`t say "I love you" unless you really mean it, but neighter should you hesitate to say it if you love someone. Take care *hug* I`m running out of time, I`m out of step and closing down, I never sleep for wanting hours the empty hours of greed. And uselessly always the need to feel again the real belief, of something more than mockery. If only I could fill my heart with love. -Robert Smith |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Beautiful work, loved the format, the message, everything  There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self... ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Aiden Kelly Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 148Ft. Wayne, IN USA |
thank you all for responding with such encouragement. i do appreciate it so much! i have gained so much confidence in myself and my poetry through you all! thanks! |
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