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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Bleeding to Death (kinda deep into the dark side) |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
Straining to open your eyes The blackness giving way to a deeper shade of crimson Cringing from the pain that is ringing fiercely inside your head Attempting to draw your hands in nearer to your chest for support in getting up, but are stopped short by the aching that pulsates all throughout your body Also noticing the puddle which you are laying in Unusually thick, sticky and warm Nothing is making sense Everything is still a blur Questioning what is happening and how you ended up there Able to bring your hand up to your face The sting tells you that this is real Your blood-rinsed face beneath your trembling fingertips conjures up the falshbacks now screaming through your mind The thick silver metal of the buckle on his belt, breaking open the skin on your arms, back, and legs The feel of his fist as it falls upon your face; and the burning of the blood as it drips from your forehead to your eyes The sight of his steal-toed boot comeing straight for your mouth shattering your teeth and hearing the snap of every bone in your body as they break beneath his weight Uncontrollably, you start to weep wishing you had left last time Hating yourself for justifying everything he has done to you by believing in his unfledged promises Ashamed of misplaced determination of your love making him change his vile and incurable ways The tears lessen, but continue to flow as your mind falls under impending silence Leaving only enough time for the last thing that you will hear before you slip into the arms of your undeserved death It is the sound of your child crying in his crib wanting to be held by his mommy. (now i realize this is very "descriptive" and i would hope it doesn't offend anyone. i thought of it when i was talking to a friend about how my mom used to get beat by my biological father. i thank god every day that she got out of that relationship, and just wanted to convey the message that this is NOT a price worth paying to love or be loved. especially when there are children involved. if i made this message a little too strong, i will understand if it is removed. thanks for your time and for reading)< !signature--> Something has to change. An undeniable dilemma. But I am not a burden anyone should bear. -Tool- [This message has been edited by danni (edited 02-10-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Dannielle - All Rights Reserved | |||
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AVANTI Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE |
Danni... it's remarkable that your mom is out of that hell...and you have put down your feelings...as painful as they are...you write really well...i read it twice...after i knew the true story behind it...and i could feel the pain... But it's over...and you've come out a lot stronger...i can tell  you don't have to understand completely..to love completely... remember even the darkest night has a morning to meet...you'll understand someday..Avanti Rao |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Wow danni you are an incredible writer. You have described a sad and terrible situation so vividly both the actions and the feelings. It's so sad that your mom went thru that abuse and thank goodness she finally left before it was too late. A tragedy that when you think of your dad this is his legacy. I hope you are doing better now. James |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
First of all i would like to thank you both very much for your kind words and comments. I thank my mom for telling me about all she had been through, because at the time it ws happening, i was too young to know what was going on. But by her telling me about it, when i was the right age, i knew what to look out for and what not to take, in a relationship. I am saying this because alot of people would say that you shouldn't tell your child about the things that happened between the mother and father. But i think if done at the right age and with the right words, it can save your child from the same horror. And i still have a relationship with my father, he was able to change. OK-enough rambling, this has just been a subject wieghing heavily on my mind lately. Thanks for taking the time to read all my ramblings! |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Battered women in our society is a serious problem and needs greater attention if it is going to be stopped. Glad you told this story. More people need to understand that it occurs and is wrong and should not be tolerated in the name of love. The definition of Love does not include cruelty to another person. Your mother did the right thing (I think) by telling you. Silence never solves problems. I admire your courage to post this piece. Danny |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
danni this poem is EXTRAORINARY! painful and hard to read because of the reality it speaks of...but it is written so exceptionally well...and even though we would like to look the other way on this issue, it is one that must be made known to make things change. To your mother I send my repsect, and the same to you for your courage and talent. take care, janet marie ...baby, dont you work so hard for this prize you found... it will all be gone when you turn around... cause ... nothin' lasts forever anyway... Rick Roberts-Windmills |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
This was the most powerful and yes, dark, poem I have read in a long time, Danni. This was descriptive, but it didn't offend me. It must feel good to tell this story of your mother. She sounds like a very strong woman. Joy |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
Danny-i agree. domestic violence is all too common. and like i said, i know my mom did the right thing in telling me. thank you for your comments. Janet-my thanks to you also for your wonderful comments. i am in awe every day at what my mom has been through and how she has stayed so strong and loving. she is incredible! Joy-i wanted this to be strong and powerful. maybe it will leave an impression on someone who might be in this very situation. thanks so much for your comments too. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Wow! This poem rang like a flashback to my childhood and some of the things I witnessed though the abuse came from a different direction in my house. Still this is so powerful...and very vivid. Great work, danni. Michael |
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EMG Junior Member
since 2000-02-09
Posts 10 |
Wow. You definately posted this poem in the right forum! Definately a Dark Passion. Keep up the good work, Eli. |
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Deverone Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 136San Antonio, Tx, USA |
OUTSTANDING wirting here danni... I can understand the feelings you have in regards to this particular subject. I admire the courage it took to post this and I respect the attitude and wisdom you have gained from the experience. GREAT WRITING...keep up the wonderful work Deverone "We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out". ----Ray Bradbury--- |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Danni this is remarkable. Done so well, written well, you are becoming quite the story teller. I feel so sorry for your Mom and all she had to endure. You are lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with her that she would share this with you. Bless you both. Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
Many thanks to all of you for your kind words. they are recieved in my heart and are always appreciated. |
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Walter Poe Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 787 |
My kind of poem i think very dark very descriptive expressive and emotional very like my poems. hmm The darkness swirls around you like the fog and the night mists making you long for the shores you havent seen and the life thats never been. The hope is its tool don't hold on to tight or you may fall. The past is the present and all inbetween reach for the stars the darkness must die Pride of place in the human race goes to one without a trace, of subtlety style ego or grace for this position, I wish to say, i would be proud as i am greater than any other face in the crowd |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
well thank you for that wonderfully poetic respose walter. don't see ya doin' that often. twas a nice surprise  |
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moebius Junior Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 11 |
Why is it that some of the best work comes out of some of the worst circumstances? This has to be the most amazingly vivid and touching poems I have ever read - great work danni |
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mojar Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 169granbury, texas, usa |
danni, thank you for the expression you so eloquently put into simple words. powerful and moving, you are incredible, your number one fan. mo. |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
great work!!!! this also brought back flashbacks of my childhood as well. i can still remmber my dad grabbing my moms arm and ripping it out of her socket. it is a pain that is not forgoten. thank you for posting this. i truly loved it. Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel is just a frieght train coming your way... MetallicA |
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devinmaria Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 130Middletown, Ohio |
amazingly descriptive. whats even more amazing is i feel as if i have had a few emotional beating that left my soul feeling this way. but you definitely nailed the pain perfectly. nice work. and much respect to your mom, and yourself. what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, right?? Trust I seek and I find in you. Everyday for us something new. Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters. --Metallica |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
moebius-sometimes inspiration is ugly, sometimes it is beautiful. for some reason, i do better with the ugly stuff. thank you for your wonderful comment! mo-nice to see my #1 fan cruisin' through the forum again. thank you for your kind comment as well. jesse-i am thankful that i was to young to ever be witness to what took place. i feel badly for my brother, he was old enough to know what was happening. i think it still effects him to this day. it hurts more than the adults, it hurts the children as well. thanks for your comment. devinmaria-i have taken some of those emotional beatings as well. and yes those can be just as painful. in both cases the wounds to the soul take so much longer to heal than the wounds to the body. and i don't think they ever do completely heal. thank you also for commenting. |
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blackhalo Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467Denver, CO |
Sometimes, all hell breaks lose and you learn to accept and live with it. You can get too extreme with poems, but in your case, it means so much, and it comes from your heart, so as long as its true, it's awesome! |
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thebob Junior Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 15 |
wow that was very good. i am very glad that your poem is not a true story to you even though for hundreds of women this is a true ending to their real life, bob |
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