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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Emptiness has started but nobody knows |
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Bojopy Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391 |
Unpleasured eyes.. upon the moonlite memory Covered alone.. with no sense of sensory Cold stays...cold days...cold and clear As my shadows stare.....into every mirror Planting plenty..building nothing Running away..striving somthing Blackness begun upon all failed dreams Gasping for greens heard but not seen Holding close the stories of past foes Emptiness has started but nobody knows I really wanted to add to this but I thought different. I kinda thought if it was short maybe it will be read into more. Such as I am not wanting to be heard! Anyway what do you think? "Write down what you say if what you say is not written down" (Bojopy) |
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| © Copyright 2000 Bojopy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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a-alibaster Member
since 2000-01-08
Posts 392 |
I think that you ended it perfectly....as it being short it adds to the imagery of the Emptiness starting! Maybe I read far more into things than most, but I think it is wonderful and so close to my feelings that I wrote in a poem called "The Nothing" a while ago! **stands and claps**...more, more! There is an alter ego which dwells in every soul... a-alibaster |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Bojopy, this is a VERY good poem, yes, leaving it shorter adds to the statment of your emotions,...I could feel the cold and emptiness, the loneliness this poem describes...Excellent work...but why do you wish to not be heard? Your poems speaks in volumes...you have a gift... thank you for sharing it. Take Care Janet Marie ..."She says baby, It's 3am I must be lonely, When she says baby, Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes, Says the rains gonna wash away I believe it." Matchbox20 |
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Jannel Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492Muncie, IN, USA |
I love the first part, the form, the rhyme scheme, and the words all over. Especially the "unpleasured eyes" and the repitition of cold.  Jannel |
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kitkat Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878Nova Scotia |
Nothing wrong with a short verse. Sometimes it has more impact than a long one. You are correct that sometimes nobody knows the emptiness we sometimes feel. Nice work. Keep writing and sharing. -------------- You got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart Then people are gonna treat you better You're gonna find, yes you will That your beautiful as you feel.~~~ Carol King |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Keeping it short cinched it in my portrayl. You stated the facts!! If emptiness has indeed started for you, remember it is not complete, you do have passions, and I'm sure many friends in the real world. I guy like yourself would be surrounded by friends. Am I right? Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
OK Bojopy you wanted in on GA Webb's (HUG) so here is a huge ((((((((HUG))))))))) for you!! Happy? Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Bojopy Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391 |
Thanks all I am glad it was liked. Isis I appreciate the hug hun. well I wont be around as often but I will get in here as much as possible later! "Write down what you say if what you say is not written down" (Bojopy) |
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