»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #1
»
Earthquake
| Dark Poetry #1 |
|
Earthquake |
|
|
Devin Junior Member
since 1999-08-23
Posts 29Oviedo,Fl, USA |
The ground is solid beneath my feet But it feels as though its shaking Trying to knock me off my feet But I shall endure whatever it dishes out For I am strong, stronger than before, when these circumstances would've knocked me off my feet But I am stronger... < !signature--> Never lose hope, even the darkest nights have ends. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Devin - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Glad you are stronger now, and can hold your own.  Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
||
|
poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
devin: i really like this poem... there are a few things i would have liked to see though... for one, i dont particularly like the last line "but i am stronger"... i think it's an unneeded restatement of what the poem already clearly conveys... also, you might consider an interesting visual format for your poem... one that would symbolize chaos and shaking... something like this perhaps (this is only a suggestion, of course... i just think it would work well with this particular work): The ground is solid beneath my feet But it feels as though its shaking Trying to k n o c k me o f f my f e e t But I shall endure whatever it dishes out For I am strong, stronger than before, when these circumstances would've kno ck ed m e off my f e e t sincerely, jerome the boy with no soul A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
||
|
Jannel Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492Muncie, IN, USA |
I really think Jerome is right abut the last line. It didn't fit. And I liked his spacing of the last line, but not the falling feet. But this is great. I love the theme. Jannel |
||
|
DayDreamer Junior Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 30 |
Hey, don't worry. I'll...we'll get to the bottom of this. Earthquakes don't last for long, but don't forget...there's always an aftershock. ~DayDreamer "Keep hope, for a candle in the strongest wind will still give light." |
||
|
Devin Junior Member
since 1999-08-23
Posts 29Oviedo,Fl, USA |
You're right DayDreamer. We will get to the bottom of this... Never lose hope, even the darkest nights have ends. |
||
|
Bronx Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 84Oviedo, Florida, U.S. |
Howdy- Well I liked it, even though the last live didn't exactly fit! Poetically yours Bronx |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
