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Dark Poetry #1
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Dance of the Doomed
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Dance of the Doomed |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
I sat down today and thought about what was said. I thought about my feelings and your unfeelings. And if feelings even exist. Maybe there is no such thing as love. And i'm just lost. Where do tears come from? Some kind of program am i failing the test? So, I ask you one thing share your heart with me I won't take up much space Show me i'm not living in vain I need to know love is out there even if it's not there for me. Maybe my answer lies in the crackerjack box. A sticker with a shiny, glittery heart, with a glaze of you can't destroy me face. Where did I go wrong Help me find my way or just LEAVE! I will not be responsible for your helplessness. A finer day is in store someday... You might love if you let go of your fear And i'll be out of your way a thought gone by from your days of the dead. a resentful sigh is to much for me. You will never look into my eyes and know your place in me Because you don't care enough to know me. And everyday that goes by is one day closer.. when you will feel nothing and your problems will be resolved. And i'll be left to spend my days with the dead. Carman [This message has been edited by armanca (edited 01-24-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Carman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JD Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 61N Prov |
Strage but i like it Everything Dies |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Thanks? *smile* Is strange good or bad...in your mind? I suppose everything might be strange to people when they don't know the context. Carman |
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Vampire'sMistress Junior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 19 |
hi carmen what about? *together or alone* perhaps anyone will have a better one..but that was in my mind while reading. |
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Vampire'sMistress Junior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 19 |
uups...sorry for my mistake: CARMAN *lol* thx also for your comment on my poem. Take care, VM |
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FreeByrd Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 267 |
I like this very much Carman. How about a variation on VM's suggestion? "Together Alone" There must be some kinda way out of here... say the joker to the thief There's to much confusion, I can't get no relief - Hendrix |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
OR 'Together Yet Alone'  Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Bojopy Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391 |
Good suggestions have been said and I think they relate to this topic but I have one more... "Alaned Alone Awaiting" What do you think? "Write down what you say if what you say is not written down" (Bojopy) |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
VM...Thanks for your suggestion. I"m thinking about that. Maybe "desolate" instead of alone...now i need another word for together. Carman |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Hi Carman this is a wonderful poem and it makes me think about "Missed Love". Take care...James |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Thanks for the Suggestions...Thank you bojopy and james. *smile* I'm haven't quite found a title that just hit me though. Carman |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
Like the poem First thought was Fearing love for a name. just a thought Rich |
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Jannel Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492Muncie, IN, USA |
The style is very unique. Very conversational. I like it. My suggestion would be "Unfeelings" because that's the word that stuck in my mind. Jannel |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
What do you guys think of "Dance of the Doomed"?????? -for the title that is. Thanks Jannel...That one is good also. |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
"Unfeelings"...or "Dance of the Doomed" What do ya'll think? Please reply Carman |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Ok...I think I'm going with "Dance of the Doomed". You think it works? Carman |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Carman I think Dance of the Doomed" is a good choice. Fits well with the mood of this poem. James |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
thank you James..I rather like the title too. Carman |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
carman: although i'm sure my response will be lost in the sea of others, these people knew a good poem when they saw it... this is lovely... melancholy... and all around morbid... i love it!!  sincerely, jerome the boy with the radiation suit A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Poetry_Kills...May I call you Jerome? *Smile* Again...How do I begin to thank you for all the kind words and comments about my work. I appreciate it more than you know. Carman |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
carman: no need for thanks... just keep writing and posting and i'll be content... (and if i ever let one slip by, hunt me down and tell me where to find it)... you're quite the gifted writer (and i dont tell just anyone that)... sincerely, jerome the boy with the kiwi kool-aid A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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shock gospel Junior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 33 |
On the matter of, "You might love, if you let go of your fear" it is said that perfect love casts out fear, that powerful a love can only come from above and once recieved brings the peace to give love, to a frightened world. Peace: shock gospel |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
Shock: I might love if I let go of my fear... Hmmm. I don't if that is my problem at all. Carman |
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