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| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Gone |
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brandywine Junior Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 19Illinois |
The pain intolerable, the agony too much You can't really be gone, It is a lie Your hand in my mine, the warmness I shall never feel again Unspoken words, echoing in my head Illusions of you in my dreams The haunting whispers of guilt Live within my soul The picture of you stares coldly at me Everyone knows the secret But do they know the pain And all I have left of you Is the sweetness of your blood upon my lips That will not fade away < !signature--> We are each of us angels with only one wing... and the only way we are able to fly.. is by embracing each other. [This message has been edited by brandywine (edited 01-20-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Brandy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jannel Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492Muncie, IN, USA |
The sweetness of blood was a great, unexpected image. And the unspoken words echoing was great, too. The copy editor in me wants to change the word in the first line to the more grammatical "intolerable,"  but the ideas are wonderful. You captured a haunted feeling perfectly.Jannel |
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brandywine Junior Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 19Illinois |
Jannel- thanks for the feedback and for the suggestion. Your right it does fit better. Please read THE NIGHT if you get time. I really need help with that one Thanks again. Brandy |
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summer Member
since 1999-11-23
Posts 80long beach .ca.usa |
hey girl, i liked this it was dark and your sting is felt..keep up the good work.. |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
i agree with summer, one can definately feel the sting in this. good work! |
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brandywine Junior Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 19Illinois |
summer & danni........... thank ya |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
I too feel the 'sting' also the pain and confusion. Well expressed Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Bojopy Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391 |
the haunting whispers of guilt..woooo that one hit me hard to the soul.. I felt that one come right out from the screen and into my eyes then to the heart.... and then straight to the soul...Well done brandy "Write down what you say if what you say is not written down" (Bojopy) |
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