Open Poetry #32 |
God Bless the Golfer... |
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Over 97% of the world's water lies in the oceans and is too salty to drink or irrigate crops with. About 2.8% of the world's water supply is fresh water. Of that 2.8%, over 2% is frozen in glaciers and ice sheets. This leaves only about 0.8% of the world's water that is accessible through aquifiers, streams, lakes, and in the atmosphere. The water we use primarily comes from this 0.8%. About 41% of household water is used for flushing toilets; 37% is used for bathing; 6% for washing dishes; 5% for drinking and cooking; laundry takes 4%; cleaning 3% and lawn and garden usage 2%. So there you have it, friends - a measly, tiny two percent Of all the water on this wondrous world of ours is spent On all the things we use it for - from drinking, washing clothes, Bathing, cleaning, watering the tulip and the rose. And almost half of this amount which has become our ration We flush away in private in a most unseemly fashion. To empty out our bladders and our bowels of who-knows-what We're using almost half of all the water that we've got!! Thank God we have the golfer to alleviate this mess. Unselfishly he gives his all to help relieve our stress. On any given day across this land of ours you'll see Some golfer answer Nature's call behind the nearest tree! There are 10,000 courses in the old U.S. of A At least a hundred golfers play on each one every day. At least a million golfers every day to whack their ball And almost all will use this way to answer Nature's call. To flush a toilet takes almost a gallon and a half So they can save two million gallons daily - Hey! Don't laugh!! There is no greater champion of our ecology Than golfers with their bladders full who have to take a pee. Not only do they save the water all non-golfers flush Their contribution helps to keep the landscape green and lush. Why are the deserts barren? Well, the only answer is There are no trees to hide behind to take a healthy whiz!! So, should you chance to see a golfer piddle on the grass Resist the urge with all your might to scream out "You're an ass!!" They play a quite important role environmentally Each time they drop their trousers and do what comes naturally. |
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© Copyright 2004 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
LOL! Excellent! btw... the topic of percentages of water being used reminded me of song lyrics by Pain of Salvation. The song is simply titled, Water. |
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Deb Lynne Member
since 1999-08-19
Posts 180Where blue skies meet blue ocean |
I'm calling my brother RIGHT now and telling him I KNOW his dirty little secret of the golf course! Loved this! |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
While half the water that we use tis flushed in bathroom stalls I'm sure the other half is there To swallow up my balls (golf) (noticed how I stayed out of that hazard?) ahhh... some refreshing hydric acid.... this poem was a relief deer! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Balladeer You have the wonderful ability to think originally. It is a gift and I envy you. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
I think some guys don't know they're qualified to be golfers! Fun write, oh great one. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Yep, I know that's your excuse to play golf every day You made me smile big my friend. The Dutchie (retired ) Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
hahahahahaha, now if that don't beat all!!! No wonder there are so many green golf courses. They get watered very frequently!! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
For almost 12 long years, I lived upon a hobby farm, We had a well, a shallow one, to add to it’s sweet charm, It ran just fine for most the year, but summers took it’s toll, As water rushed right down the drain from that old toilet bowl. We learned the tricks like you described (well, hubby did, not me), He often used the great outdoors behind an old oak tree, My part was keeping taps turned off as often as I could, While brushing teeth, while doing dishes … I was pretty good. The laundry would pile up, and I’d say, “Not today … too bad!” “The well is getting low … I’ll let it go for just a tad!” It kept me out of work until my husband would complain, We’d have to “pay” for water then ... or hold out for the rain. I missed that in the city ... my excuses all were gone, Those taps would keep on flowing, like they had no end – that’s wrong! I’m back to country water now, we’ve got a well again, So if my house is messy when you visit ... blame the rain! From a gal who has lived with a country well that used to dry up 6 weeks of the summer, I appreciate your poetic message of conservation, my 'Deer! ROFL! Well done, and beautifully rendered in your cadence filled charming way. So good to read you Michael! Loved this! Best wishes and hugs, /Kit |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Maybe your best serious poem ever 'Deer"...I like your serious-enviromental stuff...and Kit...you're incedible too....Local Rebel...You ain't right boy...you just ain't right... Yo Deer and Rebel...ya wanna go "tee" off together this weekend?.... |
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scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
Just think of the environmental benefit of foursomes!!! believe in what your heart feels... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
ummm, LOL, ok, i'll buy that |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
ROFL... this may be just a way to excuse your habits... both the golf addiction and the shrub watering. *G* But it's definitely a great way! LOL |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
I cannot believe the way your mind works. This was a happy start to my morning-thanks! Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Oh Man again! Grin... TD |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
'Deer you are just TOO funny!! ~Smiles & Hugs to You~ |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Opeth..I looked it up..you're right! Deb Lynne..you tell him! Tell him you know about Tinkle, Tinkle, golfing star!! Rebel..that was almost an unplayable lie! Seymour...some call it twisted but I'm glad you approve! Larry...LOL! Good golfers just know how to hold their clubs better...the others dribble their shots. Titia...yep, it's the least I can do for the world. Sheep do the same thing! garysgirl...RIGHT! Spleen makes green!! Kit....ah, you darling girl. What a wonderful little slice of life you shared...reminds me of the old duet days Toerag..Sure, I get teed off whenever I see your name! Not sure I want to be near you with a club in my hand...nature might take its course! Scorpio...absolutely! PGA stands for Piddling Green Again!! Sunshine...exactly! muted...great! Now I've got a little swampland down here you may be interested in... Suthern..just two parts of this intricate tapestry we call life! Pilgrimage...there are those who will swear it doesn't work at all! Glad I could bring a smile... Diamond gal..LOLOL! Yep... Enchantress...I love to make you smile.. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
ROTFWL! Very, very cute poem, Balladeer! |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Aha...James |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
since I work at a golf course, I have to say Bravo! |
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